To Whom It May Concern...

Monday's rant/love letters.

Dear Coffee Manufacturers,
I love you.
Thanks.

Dear Four-way stop minivan,
It is not your turn. You just got there. Did you not study the driving manual? You are going to kill someone.
Stop it.

Dear E-mail spammers,
I do not have a penis. Stop sending me information on how to enlarge it.
I am not interested.

Dear Dinner in the crockpot,
You smell lovely already.
I cannot wait to eat you.

Dear Co-habitators,
It is not my job to pick up your dirty socks or your cereal bowl.
Remember when I threatened to go on strike?
Getting there...

Dear Work in progress,
Stop making me doubt you. Stop being stupid. Stop making me afraid of you.
I will win.

Dear Fly Buzzing My Head,
You will die.

That is all.
Behave!