Happy Birthday, Momma!

Hi Momma!

It's been eight years since you left us to go and be with Dad. Eight long years of missing you both and wondering what life would have been like had you both been able to stay a little longer. You would be turning 83 today. You were taken far too young. 

I know Covid would have seen you making masks and running to the fabric store even though you wouldn't have needed to because of your already impressive stockpile of fabric and supplies. That makes me laugh to think about because I could fully imagine our conversation in my head. Dad would have been annoyed, but he probably wouldn't have said much to deter you from your mission. And he would have been happy to sit in his chair and not have to interact with the world during that time. 

You've missed so much, Momma. I guess part of me knows that you've only missed things physically. That you're still here, watching and smiling at most of it. Your great grandbabies that never got to meet you. The weddings. The shenanigans. Triumphs. 

And you're not smiling, but you've seen the bad stuff that's happened too... the deaths, disappointments, stress, rejections, and the severing of important family ties. I wish I could talk to you about all of that. I can't help but wonder what you would say and do about some of it if you were still here. 

Not a day goes by when I don't reach for the phone to call you or text you something you would find funny or interesting. There have been so many times that I just needed to hear you tell me that everything was going to be okay. Knowing you weren't worried was enough to keep me from worrying. Now, though, I know that you really were worried, but didn't want me to be. 

But we go on without you. Not that we have a choice. This year has been especially hard for some reason, though it's never easy. I find myself remembering your last few days with absolute clarity. The surprise birthday party we managed to throw you for the first time ever. The relaxing Mother's day. And then everything bad that came after. 

I just miss you, Momma. 

Happy Birthday in heaven!