Ugh... The Stuff...

So it's my momma's birthday today. It's also they day we had her funeral services last year. I'm having a whole lot of memories today and a whole lot of sadness.
That Man is amazing though. He cancelled his plans to stay home with me tonight, knowing that I needed him. He did the grocery shopping, stopped and picked up wine, made a great dinner, and has taken care of me all night.
I stopped by Mom's on my way home - mainly to pick up a charging cable from my brother-in-law for K4 and to check the mail. I am amazed at how much work we've done, and hopeful that we're almost done there. I couldn't go to far in - never made it into the living room. We have this weekend there to get things done.
It's not a fun day.
That Man sent me the most amazing email about my momma today. I'm not going to post it here, because it was private, but one of the things he said was... "Your Mom is Christmas Eve..." Yeah, that... She is. And now the celebration is mine and I will do my best to honor her...
So I'll do what I have to do and know my momma is with me every day.
Sorry for the downer...
Behave!

And NOW!!!

Available for preorder now!!
Officially out September 4th!!

I am so happy for this book to come out! This is my Momma's book! The first one I let her read! Mom loved this book so much! I love this book so much!
I wrote this book after a fantastic camping trip with friends. The idea started the minute we got there, and grew and grew. I had a whole notebook of notes by the time we left, and still had time to have so much fun. It came together in a month - the first month after all of Those Kids were in school full time and I could concentrate on writing without interruptions. (Yes, it was a while ago, but trust me, it's been edited a lot)
Some time later, Mom and Dad had stopped by our house one evening. We weren't really doing anything, just hanging out - watching a movie or something, I don't remember exactly. Mom and Dad had been out to dinner and saw our front door open as they passed by. They circled the block and came back to stop in. We were happy to see them.
We broke out some adult beverages. Had a blast talking about all kinds of stuff. They had just gotten a new laptop and were confused about stuff. We had them bring it in, hooked it up to our wireless, and downloaded all of the things they needed. (they couldn't get wireless at their house at that time, though they lived just a few miles from us.. and yeah, it was a few years ago...maybe more than a few... (When they got a new laptop, mom transferred the file onto the new one because she would read it every few months)
So...Mom and I's conversation turned to writing. She always asked me what I was working on and what was happening. She was always excited about this story. I had brainstormed it a bit with her. I had already submitted it a bunch of times and no one was interested. I decided to let her read it... I downloaded it onto their new computer for her, after she'd read several chapters on my computer.
Mom loved this story... even in it's unedited state. She'd call me to tell me she found an error, but that it was minor to the fact that she couldn't stop reading. She defended this story to the end. Every time I'd get a rejection on this, she was mad for me. Even when I signed contracts for my other books, she'd ask about this one... wondering when someone would take a chance on it. At last count, this had over 110 rejections.
After Dad passed, I was floundering a lot with writing. As we sat with him in the hospital, I was working on a Halloween short for my other publisher. After submitting it and discussing with my editor, we agreed it wasn't really something that would fit with the Halloween line, and that there were a few plot holes that needed to be addressed, and how it would really be better as a full novel. I wasn't sure it would, so we backburnered it... and I continued to feel lost and without spark.
We do a publishers showcase in my writers group every year and my awesome editor from Soul Mate was part of it. I really liked what she had to say and I loved that they accept many different genres. I thought maybe it was time to dust this book off again and give it another shot. So, I submitted and within a few weeks had a request for a full. I didn't tell Mom. I didn't want to have to disappoint her again.
About a month after I submitted, I was spending the weekend at Mom's. She had bought this awesome desk and needed someone to put it together for her and needed the company. She was in a lot of pain due to a sciatic nerve problem and needed help getting certain things done. I had conflicting feelings about going, only because some of my writer friends were having a mini retreat and I wanted to go, but I couldn't leave Mom in the lurch. I was so glad I went.
I got there and went to work on the desk (only had to take it apart 3 times to fix something)... We ordered food, and after we ate, I took a break to check email. That's when I got the contract offer. I had walked outside to check out the sky and after pacing and calling That Man, I went inside.
Her face when I told her is something I will never forget. I knew right then that I was supposed to be with Mom when I got this news. She was so ecstatic. She clapped, stomped her feet, and nearly cried. It was an epic moment. She wasn't too happy when I said she could only tell her best friend until the contract was signed, but not a real unhappy - just an impatient unhappy. (I had to text her once the contract was signed so she could tell her other friends.) :)
So, fast forward to May. The day Mom started feeling bad was the day I got my first cover shot. The title was incorrect, but the basic cover is the same. I was so excited to show her, but she was sick and in pain. We got her to the hospital and they pumped her full of morphine. By the time they were nearly ready to take her to surgery, her pain level was low enough that I asked her if she wanted to see. She couldn't really talk thanks to the tubes and dry mouth, but she grabbed my hand and squeezed when she saw it. I'm so glad I got to share that with her.
And now I'm a week away from release day! I very much miss my momma and I will miss sharing this with her, but I know she's still here with me for it - just in a different way.
That's my story...
Behave!

Where were we?

Let's see...
I last posted on Tuesday... That seems like a lifetime ago...
Wednesday was crazy. Running around and trying to get stuff done.
Thursday I took a very much needed break and went out with friends to see Magic Mike XXL. We'd all gone to see the first one and had made a pact that if they released a sequel, we would all go. Dinner was really nice - great food and company. The movie was surprisingly good. I expected it to be as dark as the first one, but as it turns out, it was a really feel good, women empowering, sexy men, buddy, and growth movie. I really enjoyed it, and for more than the beefcake.
Tonight we sanded, cleaned, and put another coat of polyurethane on our floors. Fingers crossed! It already looked better when we cleaned up and left. Got back to mom's and ordered food. I got my edits and looked over them. I'm good with everything, so just need to make it happen.
Tomorrow is crazy busy. I have to be in Ship first thing to take care of Estate bank accounts. The way things are written, my s-i-l and I have to be present for every transaction. What a pain. But once we get the account open, we can start paying bills. Once we get the vehicles transferred, we're good for a while.
Then we head to my sister's to help with their annual wing cook off competition. Should be fun. And work.
Sunday I will start edits.
I was supposed to take some time off from the day job next week. Was looking forward to it for editing time until I realized I might have to let my time go for someone who needs to lose time since OT is not approved right now. Damn.
I'm a little... okay, a lot... overwhelmed right now... I have a hard time shutting my brain off these days, which makes sleeping interesting and makes me teary during the day. I think it was after two until I feel asleep last night and it's been the same all week. I keep a notepad beside my bed so I can write stuff I don't want to forget down, and I end up with a lengthy sticky note on my phone by the time I leave work. I check one thing off and add three more...
This, too, shall pass.
Behave!

I Am Trying...

There is a lot these days.
Estate stuff, family stuff, work stuff, writing stuff... OH HEY!! I am writing again!!
Or I was until my computer DIED!! Getting used to the new one is a pain! I haven't had much time to actually play with it! I do like it though, but the learning curve is steep! Red lasted me for 7 years, so there's a lot of new stuff to get used to!
But I lost my story...That sucks hardcore....
I expect my edits soon as my book comes out in August. We're going to have to be quick, but my editor and I are confident we'll get them done in time!
I had to write a letter to a family that were a part of our lives from the time we were little. There was a long stretch of not seeing them, following by a long stretch of seeing them, then followed by another stretch of not seeing them. They aged. My parents aged. They moved to Montana. We had no way to get a hold of them. Mom's address book is missing. It wasn't until she sent Mom a birthday present that we knew how to contact them. It's been almost 2 months... That sucks... It took me over a week to write the letter. The first letter ended up being 14 pages long and was a lot of spew of how things are going now. The second letter was to the point and just had the facts, but it still sucks. This letter has been hanging over my head. But it's done now. And I still feel bad for having to tell them that way.
There are a lot of things like that these days. We got through the anniversary of Dad's death. Hard, but what are you going to do.
Our Uncle and Aunt are the best! They aren't too very far away and they are making sure we're good. Our cousins are doing the same. Texting, calling... we're supported, and that's great, but we're still doing this with just us...But I will say that my sibs are the best. The four of us that have been here through thick and thin are still here through it. We agree. We get stuff done. And we're so much closer than we've ever been, which is saying a lot! A whole lot. We had our first fourth of July campout without our parents, and it sucked, but we did good. We have each other.
My family stayed at Mom's all last week. We started redoing our hardwood floors over the 4th and the dry time is insane and suckage! I made sure the kitchen and dining room were comfort places - completely free of boxes and stuff to go through.
We spent the weekend working hard - got the office gone through, boxed up for yard sale, and cleaned enough that K3 could actually sleep in there. We'd been using it as a storage room when Mom was having her kitchen redone and were still going through boxes when she died. It was a horrible mess, so it's a huge accomplishment! We also got the garage organized. We had a family meeting, which was productive.
I'm beat though. Home again, but there is no furniture in my living room, except for bean bags. The floor didn't turn out like we expected, but it's still beautiful. There are still a few tacky spots, so we're waiting to put the furniture back. I still have a bunch of dust to clean up. Our cats are happy to be free again - we had to keep them contained so they wouldn't get on the floor. They had everything they needed, but they didn't like it.
Elsa got fixed on Thursday and is now wearing the cone of shame. My legs are covered in bruises. So are everyone else's. She's knocked over so many things, broken glasses and beer bottles, gotten stuck on furniture and in doorways, and is generally pathetic. She's doing really well though. No ill effects from the anesthesia or surgery. Except we left her antibiotics at Mom's, so she'll be running a day behind on them. We took the cone off once we got settled in at home. She's not licking at all right now, but we'll be putting it back on before we go to bed. I hate it, but I understand why she has to wear it.
I'm done in. Though I did write a few words tonight. I'm still learning this computer, so everything is a little strange.
That is all...
Behave!

Too Much...

So after an epic weekend of fun, craziness, and relaxation, we got home and found out Bob's best friend passed away in a tractor accident...
We are crushed.
Bob's best friend is also my sister-in-law's cousin.
I think this family has been through enough already...
I also think that's selfish of me to say, but I don't know how much more I can take.
Gah....
That is all for now...
Behave!

Still Raw...

I brought the folks home tonight...
We had Mom cremated as she wished and her ashes were mixed with Dad's. We had to get another box to store them and we picked one that we can open and take ashes to spread when we feel up to that.
Now we wade through the legal and financial stuff. I was working on that tonight - going through bills and bank statements - preparing a list for the attorney. The family chose me and my sister in law to be estate administrators. Then, we'll need to clear out the house. Oh and my family may be moving there if we can work it out. We'll see...
This weekend was equal parts rough and good. Rough because we always camped with Mom and Dad. This would have been our first Memorial Day camp out without Dad. Instead, it was our first without them both. Mom had been planning on coming and using her camper for the first time since Dad passed. How much suck is that?
It was a nice weekend, though. It was nice to relax and not have to get up at a certain time or talk to people if I didn't want to. We got there late because our house was horrible due to not being home consistently in almost two weeks. We had to clean and I'm so glad we did. Coming home to a clean house (despite the napkins the cats decided to strew all over the place) was really, really nice. It was freezing Saturday night and I thought I might die. Sunday night was better, though. Our friends came camping with us, which was awesome, even though I didn't feel well after the picnic and had to cancel plans to go visit a friend who just had surgery. K5 and Baby B were there, which was also awesome. I also had a great conversation with Simon and I should be writing again soon. I actually have an idea for the anthology we'll be self publishing with a few other authors.
Now I'm just waiting for the new normal to settle in... I miss my parents. I never thought I was going to be an orphan this soon.
Behave!

So...I Last Posted 10 Days Ago...

Ten days ago, my Momma was alive.
Now she's not.
She was amazing over the weekend. Not sick. Not even a cramp.
I called her Monday morning and she said she wasn't feeling well. I checked in with her at lunch and she said she had really bad stomach cramps. That Man and I had a meeting for his Mom after work. She's not doing so hot right now either. Once we were done, we headed to Mom's to check in on her - maybe make her some supper and take care of stuff.
Only we ended up calling an ambulance.
She had emergency surgery in the early hours of Tuesday morning. She never woke. Her body couldn't fight off the toxins from the perforated bowel. We didn't even know she had a problem. Neither did she. By Wednesday, we had to make decisions.
And we had to watch our mother die.
I wasn't ready to let her go. I wasn't ready to be without my momma. I miss her so very very much.
We had her services on her birthday.
It's been a really long week...But I am grateful to this crazy family for sticking together and not wanting to leave each other...
I miss you, Momma.
Behave!