Sunday, January 18, 2009

Random Sunday Stuff

I've been feeling pretty low about my writing the past few days. I know where a lot of the feelings are coming from. My writing time has been wrecked for days now. There's a lot going on around here, a lot of worry, stress, obligations, things to take care of. Some changes that are still being adjusted to and some issues that will hopefully be resolved by this time next week. So, I know I'm dealing with an overabundance of external (and internal) stress and since this stuff tends to work together for my detriment, I know. I just know.
One of the things I've been doing is trying to get things organized around here. Space is a premium issue at the moment, and the lack of it is driving me nuts. I had bag upon bag of writing related stuff in my closet. Yesterday, I pulled it all out to go through. One bag was stuffed full of rejection letters. You already know where this is going, right? I was already feeling low and seeing page upon page of "no, thank you" really took the spit right out of me. I should have put it aside for another day, but I didn't. Once I had that stuff cleaned out, I tackled my desk. And found another folder stuffed full of "no, thank you" letters. I organized the letters into a binder, which meant 3-hole punching them all. (My ultimate goal, once my career takes off, is to wallpaper my office bathroom with my rejection letters.)
Anyway. While I'm still fighting off the stress-induced willies, I found a few things that have made me feel a little better - a thank you note from a cprw member for the work I did on the retreat, a poem a friend of ours wrote for my birthday, a "take some time for" list written to me by an author friend during a previous low spot. A card from B with a really beautiful note inside. I put them all on the outside of my rejection folder, along with my submission postcards. I guess it's my way of reminding myself that though that folder is filled with less than desirable results, I have value to the people who matter most to me.
Why is it easy to accept the bad things, and so hard to accept the nice things people think/say about us? I don't know if that's a nature or nurture type thing and don't want to examine that subject at this point. All I know is that it would have been much easier to toss those good things and continue to focus on the stuff that was adding to my misery. I had to force myself to pay attention to those items.
Eh. I don't know.
On a more random note...I borrowed my mother-in-law's paper shredder to decrease the load of paper that shouldn't just be tossed into the garbage. Whoot! Paper shredding. Is there something wrong with me because I love the paper shredder? I'm shredding everything, baby! There's a small stack left to do, but the noise makes B nuts, so I'm trying to not do it while he's local. I used to have a shredder of my own, but I broke it due to overuse. I want another one, which is probably too strange.
That's all.


Susan Kelley said...

The paper shredding thing is little strange, but what ever pushes your happy button. I do the rearranging and cleaning out thing at least once a month. It makes me feel better to have a clean desk but only takes a few days to bury it in clutter again.
I keep a folder for rejections for each book. It's one of the most organized things I have. I'm thinking about throwing some of them out. Maybe I'll try the shredder.

Victoria said...

LOL - yeah, I know it's strange, but it definitely pushes my happy button!
It makes me feel better to be organized too. I don't do the total clean out as often as I should though.
It was definitely hard not to shred those rejections while I was shredder happy, but as depressing as they can be, they're also proof of how hard I'm working. Double-edged sword, that.
And I'm seriously going to wallpaper my office bathroom wall with them one of these days. Not that I have an office yet, or an office bathroom, but I will! lol

Natalie J. Damschroder said...

I can never read something like "Why is it easy to accept the bad things, and so hard to accept the nice things people think/say about us?" without thinking of Pretty Woman. I have lots of theories, but you said you don't want to examine it.

Suffice to say that *I* think you're the bomb, and so you totally are. Period.

Victoria said...

Thanks! :) I appreciate that more than I can say!

I don't want to examine it right now, but one of these days I'll do a post about it and we can discuss theories.