Brutal...

The past day and a half have been absolutely brutal.
I have been with my sister in grief. I have held her as she sobbed. More times than can be counted. I have watched her cry with those that feel his loss. I have seen the grief and heard the words that come with losing someone so young and so incredible. I have learned things about him I hadn't had the chance to learn yet. I have felt at a loss to help.
I have felt the loss of a great man.
Also...
I have almost pulled hair out.
I have almost slammed a face into a counter.
I have almost punched someone.
A bunch of times.
And multiple someones.
I have lost sleep over a woman who is so heartless she doesn't deserve this sentence.
I have bothered a funeral director to the point where he may or may not have walked away from me at one point. (I followed.)
I have been outspoken, but not loud or obnoxious.
I have been told to cool my jets.
I have also been told my bail, should I need it, would be covered.
Yes. It was that bad. Brutal.
All of this as my sister mourns her best friend, her soul mate, the person who successfully saved her from herself, and the love of her life. (All things she was to him. Without doubt and verified many times over the past day and a half)
I played it cool. I didn't start anything. I kept my mouth shut and my fists of fury in my pocket. My sister didn't want me to make a scene. My husband was the voice of reason. My dad told me to cool it. The funeral direction said he had the cops on speed dial. My uncle said he'd post my bail. (see that conflict?)
We stood together as a family - my parents, my sisters, my brother, my sister-in-law, my daughter and son-in-law, my nieces, my uncle, my sister's friends, my nephew, my niece-in-law.  (and my son and daughter-in-law who tried so hard, but couldn't be there, but were there for discussion and venting.) We constantly reminded each other that everyone knew the truth of the situation. We saw it. Everyone saw it. We witnessed people proving they also knew the truth.
But, yet, it was brutal.
From the "party scene" mentality going on in front the open casket, to the complete and total lack of respect shown to anyone who wished to express their grief. The wake was more solemn and quiet that the services.
In the end though, it's about my sister and having to make a new life without her soul mate. It's about being with her and here for her as she struggles through what comes next. It's not going to be easy.
And today we learned of another passing - the mother of a dear friend. It wasn't unexpected, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Cancer sucks.
Behave!

Finding My Happy Place...

I am.
It's been a really slow process, but I'm getting there. The Happy Place is coming. I can feel it. Some of the stress of the former day job is abating - I think it's very telling that it's taking so long to leave. What I miss the most is my co-workers. And the paycheck. But that's pretty much it.
So... I move on.
I will be spending a lot of time looking for gainful employment. I don't have a choice. But in the meantime, I will focus on my family, and me. I will enjoy this time. I will shake off the depression and the worries and I will do my thing.
And I will rock it.
Behave!

Feel Good Friday...

Oh! It has it been a long week...
Let me try to put a positive spin on things...
1. Losing my day job on Tuesday. Surprise! No idea that was coming. Though That Man's first words were... "Thank God." He said he felt as if a weight had lifted from him when I called to tell him. I guess that speaks volumes about the stress I was under for a very long time. Now if I could just figure out how the mortgage is going to get paid, and how we're going to have Christmas.
2. Other than the money aspect, I should be feeling less stressed? I'll let you know when that happens.
3. Getting to see Baby B twice so far this week. He is so stinking cute and getting so big.
4. Vodka.
5. Still staying in the writing challenge.
6. K3 passing his driving test! Yay!! (On the same day I lost my job. He didn't find out about the job loss until Wednesday because I just couldn't harsh his buzz...)
Okay, yes. I was completely thrown off kilter and in total shock. I had no idea I would lose my job. I had no warning. It hurts a lot and it's going to take me a little time to recover. I was there for three years and did not see this coming. It sucks.
There are a lot of good things in my life, a lot of good things...I need to remember that. My identity wasn't wrapped up in my day job - as much as I loved my coworkers and customers. My identity is in this house with the people I love and the friends I rely on.
Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise?
I'll let you know once I figure it out... Like I said, I'm still in shock. It's mind blowing, really.
Behave!

Thursday... Really?

It's been a long week here...

Monday's contract signing was my highlight! (Still over the moon!!)

Since then....

1. K3 with a two and a half day migraine. Two days of school missed. Play practice missed. Poor kid.

2. Drama of the family kind. From internal to external to beyond... I don't think it ever ends...

3. The day job (still need a nickname for that). So busy and so much stuff...

4. It's so freaking cold! Why?

5. K3 turns 17 on Sunday! Really? I feel so very old!

6. Sister solidarity. If you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing! We take care of each other. That's what we do. Regardless.

7. That Man. I miss him. We need some serious "just us" time.

8. Tired!

That is all for now!

Tomorrow is Friday! Thank Goodness!!

Behave!!

Holy Project Time, Batman

As you know, we're gearing up for chaos, visitors, crazy wedding stuff, summer...
There are so many projects going on in my house at the moment.
1. Bridal Shower Flowers - At least the already painted ones have dried and are now stored. I have my dining room table back. For tonight. I have a bin of assembled, but not fluffed or painted, beside me and a fresh package of filters to begin again. I think I mentioned that these flowers might kill me.
2. Scout project - the scouts are working on their aviation merit badge. My kitchen is covered with airplane stuff. My living room is full of foam airplanes.
3. Retreat! - All of the swag, prizes, and related goodness are stacked in a corner of my living room. Luckily, everything is as put together as it needs to be for now. 8 days!
4. House projects - the pantry is halfway ripped apart, the linen closet, too. Let's not forget the summer clothes that are pulled out, and the winter clothes that have yet to be put away. And the other half-million things hanging over our heads.
5. Wedding stuff.
6. K4's art projects.
There's more, but it's more of the normal kind of thing.
And we have a month...
Oy!
Behave!

Or Not...

Yeah, I'm being a little hard on myself. I have been putting effort into a lot of things, but there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day, or enough of me in the day. I miss Feel Good Friday!
We have a lot going on around here, and while I am doing my best with everything on my previous list, there are so many more things I need to add.
That Man's brother and family arrive in about 5 weeks. For two weeks. Guess where they're staying? Guess who's house looks awful - inside and out? Yeah. That's a big thing. We've been working on it, but between jobs, weather, unplanned snafu's... (like me accidentally locking the keys in K2's truck and her being out of town with the other set. Kind of hard to haul mulch without the truck. Oy!)
You know how I mentioned before about taking care of myself? I am trying, but I think I might have to drag my sorry butt to the doctor. My head hasn't stopped hurting. I'm exhausted all of the time. It's been almost a month since I got the cold that kicked my butt. I'm giving it a few more days before I make the call. Yeah, I know. (Also, it doesn't seem to matter how much I exercise, the scale is stuck. I'm thinking of breaking it into a thousand tiny pieces. And yes, I'm watching what I eat, too! Frustrating!)
The writing is going. Not as much as I want or need, but I'm working on it.
The shower plans are coming along. It's supposed to be a surprise, but we'll see if that actually happens. We have an intensive planning weekend coming up, so I'm hoping to make some serious progress. Other wedding projects are coming together as well.
I am also keeping up with my "to do" list. It keeps growing and I keep running to catch it! Ha!
The retreat is in about 20 days. I cannot wait. I need it so very very badly!
That's all I have for now.
It's time to hit the writing!
Behave!

Well, Shoot!

It's been a long time (2 weeks or so! Yikes!) Sorry about that! Not that anyone is actually here anymore!!
Let me sum up...
1. Crazy vehicle issues, including bringing my beloved 'burban home to die. She's old and she has a lot of miles on her. She's in hospice care now. Our mechanic says he doesn't believe she'll make it through another inspection. :( I don't want a car payment yet!!!
2. Retreat planning! I love it and I cannot wait!!
3. Wedding planning! Were getting there. I also cannot wait!!
4. Shower planning! Oy!
5. Grandchildren! They are both so danged cute!
6. The day job -  Oy! We're down two and it's chaos!!
7. Children - Some are doing good. Some are not. It's tough being a parent sometimes....
8. Sleep - or lack of it.
9. That Man and the stuff he does!
10. Managing the writing, most of the time, through the chaos! Balance doesn't always happen, but when it does, it's beautiful!
That is all...
Behave!

Wreckage...

Every November we go through this "Season of Breakage", or "'Tis the Season to Replace All Kinds of Crap".
It's always something different, or a lot of somethings... On the very first Thanksgiving dinner we hosted, our hot water heater crapped out, the cat knocked down my brand new "good" dishes and broke half of them, and the wind caught the storm door and busted out the glass.  It's gone on from there with anything from kids putting sandwiches in the VCR, to major and really serious things like That Man's dad having a stroke Thanksgiving morning.
We always joke about it (not the stroke because that was hands down awful), but this year we seem to have started a little early...
Here's the list of carnage for 2012:
1. Water heater - fixed now, but major research, inconvenience, and information was required to fix it for only $10.
2. That man's car - flat tire. And it needs new wires.
3. My truck - Something electrical that keeps draining the battery and a bad tire. (Or 4 tires in need of replacement)
4. The dishwasher - the switch is broken. Guess who is doing dishes by hand until the part comes in? (Just ordered because it just broke over the weekend)
5. Washing machine - the switch that makes it spin is busted. Really? (This just happened tonight)
6. Microwave - The clock is on the fritz and it seems to only heat anything at half power.
7. My iPhone charging cord - I don't know if it's my phone, or the cords I keep borrowing from my sister, but I can't seem to find one that I can depend on. My original cord met with an unfortunate accident and I'm not having much luck finding a replacement. (This started last night. I borrowed a cord from my sister on Sunday. It worked great the first night, but last night I had to fight with it.)
8. K3's iPod. His LED screen is busted. We went to a repair place at the mall on Sunday they promised to call us with the price and how long it would take yesterday, but we've heard nothing yet.
9. The house computer - fried. Completely. Now K4 begs me nightly for a few minutes on mine. Homework is a no brainer. Of course it  must be done and of course I'll let them use mine for that, but the constant "Can I check Facebook" pains me. A new house computer is not in the budget at the moment - not with cars and major appliances needing repaired or replaced.
10. The light fixture at the top of the stairs.
11. The toilet tank and guts. Really? How do you break a toilet?
12. A major part on the furnace. So far we've managed to get around it, but this is probably the last year.
13. The checkbook - for the next 10 years at least.... Or so it feels.
Add to that - 90% of the light bulbs burned out over the weekend. It happens, we're near a transformer and our electrician warned us this would happen. The rat keeps breaking out of her cage because one of the connecting pieces broke off. She comes and goes as she pleases now. (I'm not even going to go into the depression that is my writing career at the moment, because trust me, you don't want to know...)
Ahh... the holidays. I am still determined to have amazing Christmas spirit and be totally into it this year, but we shall see...
No. It will be fantastic.
That is all.
Behave!

Dear...

Dear Election,
Can it just be Tuesday already? I am sick to death of the phone calls, Facebook, Twitter posts, and commercials. I'm irritated and cannot wait until you are over.
Just remember to vote, folks!

Dear Hot Water Heater Part,
Get here already, please.
Thank you.

Dear WIP,
Thank you for filling my head with ideas and making me giddy with excitement over you.

Dear 100-year old House,
Please stop breaking. Let us get things fixed before something else falls apart, please.
We can't do it all at once!

Dear Vehicles,
Two flat tires and a dead battery in one weekend? Really?
Thanks for nothing!

Dear Grocery Store,
Why are you always out of the things I need to buy? This is the second week in a row and I'm not a happy camper!

Dear Neighbors,
Why are you so stinking loud all of the time?

Dear Rum,
Why are you always gone? LOL

That is all...
Behave!