The tree is up, the piano decorated - part of my Christmas spirit has been found. The rest, I think, is up to me to come up with from the inside. I have to make a conscious effort to be positive, to remember what the holidays are really about, and not stress about things I cannot control or change. That's hard, but I am trying.
We did have fun putting up the tree. It was the first time all of us have been home to decorate the tree in a very long time. Work schedules, teenaged attitudes and allergies, and company (usually invited, but still) have prevented it from being just the six of us in a long time. Unfortunately, it's probably also the last time.
K1's moving out after the holidays and while I know this is the next step in his life, I also can't help but think of how different things will be. K2's going to college next fall - same next step in life thing, same feeling for me. My babies are adults now and that smacks me hard into my chest. It'll be just K3 and K4 from August on, and most of me looks on that with excitement and hope, but there is a part that will mourn the chaos of all four of them together - the Nerf battles, the teasing, the games they invent, and yes, even the wrestling. That's not to say K3 and K4 won't do the same things, but it will be different. Life will be different.
I can't say that will be a bad thing. I will miss the older two. Heck, I miss them already and they're not even gone yet. And I have months before K2 packs up and heads down the road for higher education. I think I've finally put it all into perspective though. I'm making the effort to enjoy every day for what it is, and not think too far ahead. As I remind myself that even painful changes can be good changes, I feel lighter and more ready to tackle the upcoming holidays. I do look forward to the years to come and the fun stuff that will happen along the way.
And wow, that was a pretty sappy post for a Monday!