A Week?

I guess so... Humph...

Not much going on.

I'm writing.
I'm working.

I don't have much else...

Behave!

Quiet...

Well... except for the fire siren that has gone off twelve-hundred times so far today... Ha! That's not what I mean though.

I've been quiet. I was going to post on Mom's birthday, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't post on Facebook either. Just didn't want to...I think I said in a previous post that it's been a rough year.

We are supposed to move to Yellow Phase on Friday. It's weird.

Though a good friend's father is in the hospital with Covid. He's elderly and not doing well. She has symptoms and is awaiting her test results (he lives with her). That kind of brought this whole thing home and freaked us both out. She's an essential worker and has had to go to work every day through this. She's been worried about bringing something home to her dad. Though he could have gotten it through other means as well - the doctor's office, his therapist, his other daughter.

Looking forward to a long weekend coming up, though it seems weird not to be able to camp.

That's all I have.

Behave!

Feel Good Friday!

Let's get to it!

1. A brand new granddaughter! She arrived late Wednesday and she's beautiful and perfect. The whole family is doing well. Luckily, the had planned a home birth. She came so fast they would have never made it to the hospital. She also came on the anniversary of her Gigi's death, which has special significance. Now we'll have a happier memory to associate with the day and I can't help but think Mom had something to do with that.

2. Moving to the Yellow Phase next week!

3. Working on the camper.

4. Going to run errands at lunch today and driving the Jeep with the top down.

5. My downstairs staying clean and tidy since we moved upstairs.

6. Burgers on the grill for dinner.

7. Sleeping in tomorrow. We are putting the air conditioner in soon. Second floor after an 80 degree day is not a good sleeping arrangement.

8. Getting rid of $44 worth of one dollar bills today. K4 owed me money and paid me all in ones. When I ran into the grocery store to pick up a prescription and a few other things, I ran all of those suckers into the machine at the self check out. Whoot!

That's about it. Of course we will be home this weekend, but we have a lot of stuff to do...

Behave!

Five Years, Momma...

I miss you every day, Momma.
I miss our morning talks.
I miss any talk with you.
I miss your advice.
I miss your cooking.
I miss helping you with whatever you need.
I miss shopping with you.
I miss watching The Waltons with you.
I miss your random phone calls when something Dad used to take care of happened.
I miss family gatherings at your house.
I miss your optimism and your strength.
I miss the way you would jump in to help anyone and everyone who needed help.
I miss your hope.
I miss being able to call you just to ask a dumb question or hear your perspective. I could have used that many many many times since you've been gone.
I miss road trips with you.
I miss your face.
I miss everything.

This anniversary feels sharp.

Every memory is vivid and marked. Maybe it's because the days fall exactly the same. Sunday was our last Mother's Day together after an epic weekend of surprising you with an early birthday party. Monday was the day I called the ambulance. Today was the day you died.

I looked at the clock at the exact time, too. I did that several times today. "This was when we talked to the surgeon", "This is when they gave us the family room for our exclusive use", and so on... I remember heading back to your house afterwards and all of us just sitting in silence trying to wrap our heads around everything. I remember making phone calls and going to bed in the wee hours of the morning... not sleeping, but sobbing all night.

Next week, on your birthday, we had your services as requested by your brother and agreed on by your kids. The following day, we went to the crematorium and supported each other while the deed happened.

But I have also tried to stay busy today to keep my mind off of it. Only, like I said, everything is sharp and hurty. And I miss you so much.

Momma, I hope you and Dad are having a blast together. I hope you look down on us all and smile. I hope what I think are little signs from you all really are. You would have been 80 on this birthday. I think about that and how you'd be getting around, how you'd be doing, how you would react to what we're dealing with right now.

Actually we joke about that. You would be impossible to keep home. You'd always want to go and get more supplies to make more masks. You'd always be at the grocery store "stocking up" because you loved to stock up. You would be in your "helping" element. You would be going crazy without being able to see your friends or go to the craft store.

Oh, Momma. I know you're in a better place, but that doesn't help your kids left behind. I know you're there with your oldest, too, and I hope things are good between you now.

I miss you, Momma.

Behave!

End Of An Era...

I didn't renew my membership with the national writing organization.

There were many reasons. No, I won't list them. They won't make sense unless you are a part of the organization and have firsthand witnessed what's been happening since December (and before). I will give them kudos for trying to get things back to right, but I can't abide by being treated like sheep.

Anyway. With that change I also have no choice but to give up my local writing chapter. That was a HUGE decision because I have been a member for eighteen-ish years and I love my chapter! But, despite my love, I have come to the realization that I don't have anything left to give my chapter and I don't feel like I'm getting anything from it. (Not their fault. This is totally on me)

I was on the board for probably 13 or 14 years of my membership. I got convinced to take over being librarian within my second year (rules were different back then). I kept that job for probably five years before running for vice president. And then president. And then vice president again. I think I was secretary for a year. Maybe? I know I was never ever treasurer. But I pretty much did every other board position at least a few times.

I also ran the retreat for ten years or so. That ended. Mainly because the dynamic of our membership changed and no one needed or could afford the glorious retreat we had grown accustomed to. It happens. We started out as a young chapter. We all had little children. We all desperately needed writing time away from our families. And it really worked for a long time and grew and was absolutely amazing. And then, our kids grew up and were in high school or college or doing okay on their own. And we could write in the evenings and in our spare time, or if we were lucky enough to be able to write from home full time, the distractions were gone. Retreats were absolutely amazing and will remain my best memories ever!

After talking with my friends that I know I will see frequently regardless (well, I mean, once we can go to dinner or lunch again), we came to the conclusion that me leaving is like graduating from high school. You've learned your lessons, been bullied, and now are ready to strike out on your own. It's pretty much a perfect analogy.

I will miss my friends. I will miss so many things, but I know in my heart that I have made the right decision. So much so that I have written more in the few days since I sent my "goodbye"  email than I have in the past two weeks or so (since I realized it was coming up fast). As much as I love and have always loved my chapter, I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I can always go back. There is that. In the meantime, I have the lifelong friends I have made as a direct result of the whole thing - these are the people that I talk to nearly every single day. We text. We email. (We have our own email group - that's how committed to each other we are and have been for the past fifteen or so years) We check in with each other and we kick each other's butts when we're struggling. And we support each other no matter what.

I cannot explain our connection, but we seem to intuitively know if someone needs a hug or a push. And it always works.

Behave!

Happy May the Fourth...

...and we're still "sheltering at home".  We're at what 45 days now? At least for us.

Our industry began again today. They are well-equipped with safety gear and regulations. That Man had to be at the office early this morning to get everyone to sign off and recognize the safety supplies. The rest of us office people are still at home and will be for the foreseeable future.

I need my office space and hope to have it soon. I am done with the "coziness" of having my work station in my dining room. I want that space back. I want to be able to eat a meal at my table and I want the cats to leave me alone during my work day. Stealing pens, papers, chewing on stuff, and trying to remove my bank fob are unacceptable. And the hair! I brought a can of compressed air home the other day. We have so much fur in all of our stuff it was a necessity. Well, the first time I used it, it scared the bejeezus out of all of them. And then I did it again because I thought I was funny. I went to use it today because there is just so freaking much hair every-freaking-where and I discovered that they (the cats) had chewed the tube-thingy and it no longer worked. Ha! I just need an office chair and K4 to do some clean up in my office (her old room) and I'm good to go. Hopefully this time next week, I will be in there, despite it not being completely done.

It was a super nice weekend and I was so thankful! We worked on scraping the peeling paint from our front porch so we can paint. It's a terrible, terrible chore and despite doing very little scraping yesterday, I am still hurting. I did, however, do a lot - just not that - laundry, cleaning, making mac salad (thanks to my sister-in-law for the formula), making pickled eggs, etc. That Man, however, worked three times as much as I did on it yesterday and he is even more hurty. I also repotted a few plants and got some flowers taken care of. I need flowers though! And it's ticking me off that I can't get them right now!

We never got any alligators and The Wilds survived the flooding. Still waiting on word about camping. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

So now we have "Murder Hornets"!!?? What the crap is that? I looked them up. They are ridiculous! Who needs them at all? My only hope is that people don't see the cicada killer bees and think they are murder hornets. The cicada killers always live in my patio. They are non-confrontational and are cool to watch. They grab their cicada's and go back into their holes (we imagine a hobbit-like system underground, but that might just be a little silly). They are huge and scary looking though.

I did write tonight! I am so happy! It's been at least a week, if not longer. I hit a dead zone again, which is, I guess, normal right now, but not writing does not make me feel better about anything. I cut off at a point that makes me excited to get back to it and I'm not too far from the end, so there's that.

I also talked to two out of three siblings tonight, which is good stuff.  I mean, my brother butt dialed me, but we had been texting previously, so we talked anyway. Good stuff. I miss them all and can't wait until we can hang out together again. I also got hysterical videos of Little Mr. B. That kid is a freaking riot and I'm sure he's plotting to take over the world. I miss my boys!

That's all I have!

Behave!