Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Turkey Day!

I hope you have a wonderful day filled with family, food, and fun!
And if you don't have anyone to be eat turkey with, I hope you have a day filled with peace and contentment.
My Thankful List:
1. That Man because he loves me even when I don't feel like I deserve it.
2. The married K's and their spouses. I love how my family has grown and I love that all of them get along so very well.
3. The younger K's. They're amazing people.
4. K5 and Baby B. Both are huge blessings full of joy.
5. My friends and family, including my awesome writing group.
6. Being home all day for now. The money part of that is pretty awful, but the financial bull crap aside, I could get used to this.
7. Surviving this year (so far). It started okay, turned awful, got a little better, turned awful again...I hope the pattern means we'll finish okay.
8. Spending this day with family we have never been able to celebrate with on this day!
9. My kids and their big hearts. We'll be spending part of today helping to serve Thanksgiving dinner to people who wouldn't have had one otherwise. I so love that they are so willing and excited about being able to do this again.
May your day be awesome and your turkey coma satisfying!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Weird Wednesday...

Okay, I swear I posted a few times over the past week... I have no idea what happened to those posts. I mean, I even looked at them on my blog! Where could they have gone? And why would they disappear? I guess I will investigating that as soon as I catch up with myself...
Here's my week:
Early morning helping with the funeral of our dear friend's mother. From there, I rushed to receive 300 pies (really, 294, but what's 6 when you're dealing with those numbers?). K2 helped me sort and label the orders, then I waited for the scouts to pick them up. All alone in an over 200 year old church. By myself. It was creepy. I kept hearing footsteps like they were coming up behind me, but no one was ever there. I finally stopped looking behind me and turned the music up. That Man finally showed up with sustenance and company. Home late and then collapsed.
We had a tiny bit of snow here. Enough to make me excited, but then it started raining and didn't stop until sometime overnight. I braved the grocery store. That was nine kinds of stress. Everyone and their brother had carts piled high and a crazed look in their eyes. Snow & Thanksgiving! Must shop and buy extra bread, milk, and toilet paper! (It's always interesting in my neck of the woods when snow is in the forecast!) Hung out with my grandson and daughter-in-law pretty much all day. Had to pick up a sick K4 at school. Tried to catch up on Supernatural. Stayed up way, way too late.
Wednesday: (That's today!)
Slept in, but really not considering the ridiculous time I went to bed. (A nap is in my immediate future) Began the cooking prep - bread cut for stuffing, pie ingredients organized (Yes, I am making pumpkin pies even after all of the pies I sorted on Monday. I like to make them!) Laundry. And now it's now...
Nap time!

Thursday, November 21, 2013


The past day and a half have been absolutely brutal.
I have been with my sister in grief. I have held her as she sobbed. More times than can be counted. I have watched her cry with those that feel his loss. I have seen the grief and heard the words that come with losing someone so young and so incredible. I have learned things about him I hadn't had the chance to learn yet. I have felt at a loss to help.
I have felt the loss of a great man.
I have almost pulled hair out.
I have almost slammed a face into a counter.
I have almost punched someone.
A bunch of times.
And multiple someones.
I have lost sleep over a woman who is so heartless she doesn't deserve this sentence.
I have bothered a funeral director to the point where he may or may not have walked away from me at one point. (I followed.)
I have been outspoken, but not loud or obnoxious.
I have been told to cool my jets.
I have also been told my bail, should I need it, would be covered.
Yes. It was that bad. Brutal.
All of this as my sister mourns her best friend, her soul mate, the person who successfully saved her from herself, and the love of her life. (All things she was to him. Without doubt and verified many times over the past day and a half)
I played it cool. I didn't start anything. I kept my mouth shut and my fists of fury in my pocket. My sister didn't want me to make a scene. My husband was the voice of reason. My dad told me to cool it. The funeral direction said he had the cops on speed dial. My uncle said he'd post my bail. (see that conflict?)
We stood together as a family - my parents, my sisters, my brother, my sister-in-law, my daughter and son-in-law, my nieces, my uncle, my sister's friends, my nephew, my niece-in-law.  (and my son and daughter-in-law who tried so hard, but couldn't be there, but were there for discussion and venting.) We constantly reminded each other that everyone knew the truth of the situation. We saw it. Everyone saw it. We witnessed people proving they also knew the truth.
But, yet, it was brutal.
From the "party scene" mentality going on in front the open casket, to the complete and total lack of respect shown to anyone who wished to express their grief. The wake was more solemn and quiet that the services.
In the end though, it's about my sister and having to make a new life without her soul mate. It's about being with her and here for her as she struggles through what comes next. It's not going to be easy.
And today we learned of another passing - the mother of a dear friend. It wasn't unexpected, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Cancer sucks.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Things I Do Not Like...

A list for Tuesday...

1. Funerals. They suck. I'm not looking forward to tonight and tomorrow.

2. How easy it is to trash talk someone on a public forum without regard to the damage you are doing.

3. Job hunting.

4. Thinking about Christmas.

5. The dirty socks all over my living room.

6. Being cold.

7. Uncertainties.

That's enough.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Weekend Update

1. K3's play was spectacular! The cast & crew did a phenomenal job. The set, lighting, sound, and props we perfect. The cast did a terrific job. Those kids work so well together! And of course, K3, as the lead, was incredible. (Yes, I'm a proud momma, but it's true!) He had an immense amount of lines to learn and was in nearly every scene. And he had a blast.
I went Thursday and Friday and the show was equally awesome both nights. That man went all three nights (I kept Baby B last night so K1 & J could go), and said each night was unique, but great!
Tomorrow he auditions for the next one... K4 may as well. It's for our local small theater.

2. Moving! K1 & J moved into their apartment over the weekend. I'm so proud of them for pulling themselves up by the bootstraps and getting done what needed to get done so they could be their own family in their own home. Their new place is adorable and nice. Baby B has his own room for the first time ever. The only downside to the place is that there are no closets, but the carpets are new and it's a safe place for Baby B.

3. Getting random texts from K2 & J from Boston. J had a conference to attend for work. They're having a blast.

4. Since I must now watch every penny, I have decided to become a master couponer. I saved $16.00 on today's weekly trip ($29.00 if you count my 22# free turkey!) and I only forgot one thing.

There you have it.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Too Sad...

My sister's fiancee passed away unexpectedly Thursday night.
He was a very awesome guy - friendly, caring, a successful owner of two great businesses, a very smart man, a thinker, a genuine nice guy, a well-loved grandfather, and most of all - he loved my sister so much. So very much.
It is devastating.
They were due to get married in less than 2 weeks.
The first time I met him, I threatened him. I told him that if he broke my sister's heart that I would kick his ass in a way it had never been kicked before.
I think he did that to himself.
Because he did break her heart.
The cancer was under control. Then it wasn't. It happened so fast. A few weeks ago the docs said it had moved to his liver, but they were hopeful. They started him on a new treatment, but gave no signs of giving up - no signs of the fight being over.
The liver cancer was different than the other cancer - more aggressive and very very fast. His bad numbers doubled in a very short time frame. But no one was giving up hope yet. Chemo would start, things would be okay.
There was no hope to be had, though none of us knew it at the time.
He died in the blink of an eye. My sister, thinking he was stable and okay, left to take care of some errands seeing as she'd been at the hospital for days. She expected him to be home in the next few days. Things needed to be taken care of - wedding plans, moving into their newly built house.
Cancer sucks.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Opening Night...

Tonight is opening night for K3's play.
He's ready and so excited. I'm excited too. I can't wait to see my baby boy in action.
Rehearsal has been brutal - every night, with set days on Saturdays. Last night was the earliest he's been home in about two weeks.
I've heard it's awesome. K2 & J had to go a few nights ago to watch rehearsal since they're unable to go on any show nights. All she would tell us is that it's fantastic. K3 said the preview they did for the high school got lots of laughs and applause.
The job search is not going too well. I've applied / sent my resume to a ton of places. The only response I've received was for a scam company. I was very excited to get a phone call for an interview. When I googled the address, I found a site with 8 pages of former employee / former applicant complaints. Needless to say, I emailed them to decline the interview and advise them I did not wish to reschedule. Sigh.
This weekend is going to be crazy! Tomorrow evening we'll have company for dinner before the play. Saturday, K1, J, & Baby B are moving into their new apartment. Then we have the show again Saturday night. Sunday is packed full of obligations - taking most of us in different directions. Yikes!
That is all!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Why Tuesday is Good...

This Tuesday has been good...
Here is why...
1. Grocery shopping by myself. Saving $14.00 in coupons and stocking up on a few items. (And coming in way under budget)
2. Beach rental magazines! We've already picked a few houses! Beach 2014 here we come!
3. Baby B. He is so stinking cute! And so smart! And he loves his Nanners!
4. Getting the laundry caught up.
5. One more night until K3's play opens!
6. The van getting fixed and not costing as much as we expected. (Did I mention it crapped out on us Saturday night?)
7. Being able to pick up the van with K3. So strange and so cool. (And so cool that he can drive himself to and from practice every night)
8. Thanksgiving plans coming together.
9. Singing while driving. I cannot tell you how long it's been since I've done that. Seriously. I would have music on while driving home, or to, the old day job, but there was always so much on my mind... I couldn't sing. I did today and it felt so awesome (even though I am glad no one was in the car to hear me). The stress is lifting day by day.
Everything is going to be okay.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

The Author Photo...

Here it is... like it or hate it...
My sister did the best she could with what she had to work with. That's saying a lot.

But it is what it is...

Finding My Happy Place...

I am.
It's been a really slow process, but I'm getting there. The Happy Place is coming. I can feel it. Some of the stress of the former day job is abating - I think it's very telling that it's taking so long to leave. What I miss the most is my co-workers. And the paycheck. But that's pretty much it.
So... I move on.
I will be spending a lot of time looking for gainful employment. I don't have a choice. But in the meantime, I will focus on my family, and me. I will enjoy this time. I will shake off the depression and the worries and I will do my thing.
And I will rock it.

Friday, November 08, 2013

Feel Good Friday...

Oh! It has it been a long week...
Let me try to put a positive spin on things...
1. Losing my day job on Tuesday. Surprise! No idea that was coming. Though That Man's first words were... "Thank God." He said he felt as if a weight had lifted from him when I called to tell him. I guess that speaks volumes about the stress I was under for a very long time. Now if I could just figure out how the mortgage is going to get paid, and how we're going to have Christmas.
2. Other than the money aspect, I should be feeling less stressed? I'll let you know when that happens.
3. Getting to see Baby B twice so far this week. He is so stinking cute and getting so big.
4. Vodka.
5. Still staying in the writing challenge.
6. K3 passing his driving test! Yay!! (On the same day I lost my job. He didn't find out about the job loss until Wednesday because I just couldn't harsh his buzz...)
Okay, yes. I was completely thrown off kilter and in total shock. I had no idea I would lose my job. I had no warning. It hurts a lot and it's going to take me a little time to recover. I was there for three years and did not see this coming. It sucks.
There are a lot of good things in my life, a lot of good things...I need to remember that. My identity wasn't wrapped up in my day job - as much as I loved my coworkers and customers. My identity is in this house with the people I love and the friends I rely on.
Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise?
I'll let you know once I figure it out... Like I said, I'm still in shock. It's mind blowing, really.

Monday, November 04, 2013

Moaning Monday...

It does come back from time to time... The moans of Monday...
This Monday...well...
1. More stress at the day job... My shoulders are killing me.
2. The documentation run not going as it should have. One part of the paperwork is done, but the most important one isn't. (Will explain later - it's not as serious as it sounds.)
3. Eating a weird dinner. Which wasn't terrible, but strange...
4. More funds spent at the grocery store. It's outrageous.
5. Being cold! I hate being cold. We haven't started the fire yet. It's ready, but we're hesitant though we normally have it started a few weeks ago. We do have heat, but it takes a little while for it to take the chill off.
The good stuff...
1. K3 is taking his driving test tomorrow. *Fingers crossed
2. Random grocery shopping antics with That Man and K3.
3. Fuzzy socks.
4. Looking forward to the holidays.
That is all. It's Monday. I'm ready for bed.

Saturday, November 02, 2013

So Then...

Here are the answers, though no one guessed....
1. K4 changed her costume at the very last minute, then was frantic that we didn't have everything she needed. Yes. And we made an awesome angle knife. She was awesome. It was stressful.  
2. My niece's boyfriend wore a sign that said "Nudist on Strike".  Also, yes. It was fantastic!
3. K3 dressed like a mermaid. No. But he did go out barefoot (which I had no idea until he came home!!)
4. K2 &J were both Spiderman. Technically, yes. They both had Spiderman T-shirts on. 
5. Some kid threw an egg at my truck. Not that I know of. 
6. K3 ate so much candy that he puked. Also no. He can't have anything with milk, so he's very careful. And he's never been a candy eater! 
7. Baby B was a smurf. Yes. And he was so adorable!
8. My folks dressed up like pirates. Nope. Not this time. 
That's about it. We had fun. 
Saturday was also fantastic. Writers meeting and lunch and being with "my people". 
That is all.