Wednesday, June 08, 2016

Always Running Behind...

Things I have been doing...
1. Day job... A little OT. A lot of crazy. Braindraining...
2. Working at the 'rents... So close to being done.
3. Being exhausted. All. Of. The. Freaking. Time.
4. Looking for beach houses. We're a little late and pickings are slim.
5. Getting K4 through her last week of Sophomore year. One more half day. (but it's not until Friday. She's off school tomorrow. Makes no sense.)
6. Writing... A very little. Not much at all...
7. Wishing I could sleep all night without waking up every hour...
8. Thinking about selling my Jeep... Not very serious, just a thought...
9. Looking forward to being done with the 'rents and being home for a whole weekend to do my own stuff.
10. Believe it or not... Already thinking about Christmas. I don't know why and I'm sure it'll bite me in the ass later....

That is all...

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Post Wilds

We did go to The Wilds this weekend and it was awesome!
I arrived late Friday night after driving my Jeep through a massive rainstorm - with the top down, and my computer in the front seat... yeah. Everything ended well though - I learned that I must have something to wipe the inside windows down when caught in the rain (which I did), and I found something to cover my briefcase with to keep the water out.
By the time I got there, the camper was set up, a fire was going. All I had to do was put away groceries and do my organizing thing. We were in bed at a decent time, up too early, but that's okay.
That Man and K4 went driving. Then we went to K1's birthday party, and picked up Mr. B to bring him back to camp. He had a blast. He was up so so early, but he was so cute.
We had a lot of fun and we relaxed a bunch.
Then we came home - laundry, dog baths, excessive heat... Today was back to work. Ugh.
K1 and Mr. B came over for K1's birthday tonight. J wasn't feeling well and stayed home. :( I can't believe my first baby is 27 now. How does that happen?
ALSO!! I got a big box of my BOOKS IN PRINT!!! How awesome is that!!
Super awesome!
That is all.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Still Doing Stuff...

Memorial Day is this coming weekend! Holy Cow!

We're supposed to be going to The Wilds, but who knows if the rain will keep us from it or not. I hope not. I need The Wilds. I need the break! We all need the break. But even if it's too wet to camp, we'll be taking a break.

The 'rents house is almost ready to have a big For Sale sign in the front yard! The floors in the basement are almost finished and the painting is nearly done. A few more carpets need to be cleaned and we have some odds and ends to get rid of/figure out where we're storing them. We're all so looking forward to being done!

Other than that...
My dog has some kind of odd thing going on. She's making puddles and leaving drips on the floor. She was just at the vet and is on antibiotics, so... That Man will call the vet again tomorrow.

No writing tonight, but it's a first. I've opened my new manuscript every day since retreat, except for tonight and I still might. Progress is slow, but that's the norm post retreat. I plan to do edits on my short this weekend. I have critiques back from every one of my critique partners. I haven't looked at a single one of them yet, because I know it's currently a steaming pile of poo.

I have my first book signing with a print book coming up in August. I'm kind of scared, but hella excited!

School is almost out. Thank goodness. I'll have a Junior next year. How weird is that? My last one! And she'll be able to get her license soon! She's doing great with driving.

Also, my first born turns 27 this weekend. How weird is that? I can't even...

So there's your quick Wednesday update!


Thursday, May 19, 2016

Still Struggling...

Today last year was the day we went to our Momma's cremation. It was me, my sister, our brother, sister-in-law, and niece.
None of us wanted to be there, but all of us felt like we should.
We listened when they explained the procedure and soaked it in when they described how long it took. We declined when they asked if any of us wanted to say anything - we'd already said it all to each other and we know Mom heard us. None of us wanted to push any buttons to set the process in motion. We just wanted to be together and let Mom know we were there for that.
She was in a cardboard casket. We rented a casket for her funeral because it would have been a waste to do buy a casket and then watch it burn. Our funeral guy was more than helpful in letting us know the logistics of our plans. The funeral home already had Dad's ashes and they explained to us how they would mix them together - which sounds kind of creepy, but was perfect for them.
The funeral guy pushed her in, and we stood there for several long minutes. Our funeral home had sent a guy and he was amazing - kind, supportive, and understanding. He gave us the details and left us on our own with our grief, as he should - but he was in the background, should we need him.
And then we left, realizing the smoke went right over our brother's house. Maybe kind of creepy, but also kind of comforting to know that Mom was spread in the air over his house.
Our private viewing time of Mom was so bad. She was so full of fluid and so disproportionate to normal that it was not comforting. We were all in major distress mode. The funeral home did their very best for her, and apologized to us later because they'd done all they could do to make her look normal. Hell, they did a fantastic job considering how many IV's she had going and how much fluid they were pumping through her. It was rough. I kind of wish we'd done things differently, but there was no way to know...
I never blogged about this before because I couldn't. Maybe I still can't because I'm not catching the nuances of that day - of my sister and I talking nonstop on the way there and not saying a word on the way back, of going to our brother's before we went and drinking coffee and wanting to just sit on his couch and stay there forever. Of going back to Mom's knowing we had to go home that night and go back to our day jobs the next day. Just the two of us stayed that night and went to work from Mom's like we had so many times since Dad died.
And now we're looking at a year since we started clearing out the house. We're almost done. We're tired. We're sad. We're freaked out that within the next few weekends we won't be together every weekend, so we made a pact - we'll do what we need to do at our own houses (and FFS. trust me, it's a lot - I have a mini fridge in my dining room. AND a mini Christmas tree...) and then we'll each help each other with projects. We're going to be busy for a long time because the list is pretty freaking long... Ha!
But it's good, because we need to be together.
So, yeah. I know I'm a downer right now. I'm sorry for that. I don't even have a fraction of my grief out here and I don't know if it's possible for many people to understand the depth of it... It sucks. I do what I have to do and I look forward to the weekends spent at Mom's with the sibs. And that's going away soon... Weird stuff.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Ugh... The Stuff...

So it's my momma's birthday today. It's also they day we had her funeral services last year. I'm having a whole lot of memories today and a whole lot of sadness.
That Man is amazing though. He cancelled his plans to stay home with me tonight, knowing that I needed him. He did the grocery shopping, stopped and picked up wine, made a great dinner, and has taken care of me all night.
I stopped by Mom's on my way home - mainly to pick up a charging cable from my brother-in-law for K4 and to check the mail. I am amazed at how much work we've done, and hopeful that we're almost done there. I couldn't go to far in - never made it into the living room. We have this weekend there to get things done.
It's not a fun day.
That Man sent me the most amazing email about my momma today. I'm not going to post it here, because it was private, but one of the things he said was... "Your Mom is Christmas Eve..." Yeah, that... She is. And now the celebration is mine and I will do my best to honor her...
So I'll do what I have to do and know my momma is with me every day.
Sorry for the downer...

Monday, May 16, 2016

Post Retreat

Sorry I missed posting before we left the retreat center!
I was trying to meet my word count and then pack, pay the bill, all that jazz.
We left right on time. It was snowing when we left. How weird is that?
We stopped at a Denny's for an awesome lunch and got home late afternoon. It was great to see the family! I took a little nap with That Man. Those kids and That Man made dinner. We all watched a movie together. It was nice. We were in bed at a ridiculously early time.
Back to the day job today.
That was rough. My inbox was insane. The day was insane!
So now I'm catching up and exhausted...
Going to write now. And then bed.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Retreat: Day 4 - PM

Well... It's the last night of retreat... I have a sad...And I wish I had a time-turner.
I have accomplished far more than I even though possible this year.
Normally, everyone coming to retreat sets a goal that they'd like to meet. It can be anything from having fantastic nail polish, taking a nap, sleeping without interruption, to finishing a book, writing seven synopses, or just writing as much as possible.
My only goal for this year was to feel Immersed in writing.
I found that on my first day. The ability to just get into the story without letting anything take me out of it. I had my two stories to edit, and the one I wanted to start, but I wasn't thinking about that when I got here. I just wanted to do my thing and not feel like I couldn't focus on it because there were so many other things that required my attention.
Somehow, I managed to finish my edits and submit the story, finish the short and send for critique, and as of right now, write over 8K on a new story.
I feel accomplished.
I have not written anything new since my last retreat two years ago. Yes, I have published stuff since then. I have edited and I have written, but not with as much intent that I feel now. Mostly, I edited older stuff, which while productive, doesn't feel the same as starting out with a fresh idea.
And... I didn't have the current story idea until last night. I knew what kind of story I wanted to write. I knew where I think I want to send it, but nothing else was there. To be truthful, I thought I was broken.
Turns out, I'm not. I'm an author, dammit!
This retreat has rocked, despite the very loud couples therapy people who insist we need to interview them for fantastic story ideas (wtf?), our somewhat odd dinner that while okay, was still out of the normal desirable food stuff, despite the wedding, which is still kind of loud as they clean up and as we have spillage into our hall that includes little kids who cry a lot, (in my section of hallway, too) and after we witnessed two almost naked guys trying to swim in the pond and disturb our resident goose (who is still a jerk, but doesn't deserve the harassment). I won a prize, which is awesome and also very random. Simon and I pick the prizes and always think I shouldn't enter to win, but everyone tells me that's crap and that I deserve to win like anyone else. We always get prizes we would love to have ourselves, so to say I'm pleased is an understatement. (Oh and one of the items is an Avengers blanket. How cool is that?)
We had the best coordinator at the venue. The staff here took care of us before anyone else - making sure we had our dinner first and just generally being awesome. They realized the loud groups was an inconvenience and a stressor and took the time to talk to us about how things could be different next year.
I am satisfied beyond satisfied.
And I am an author. This is what I'm meant to do... Tell stories. I am more convinced of that now that I have been for a long time.
Now it's time for the last retreat sleep. I'm ready to go home and rock this thing! (and I miss those aliens I live with...)

Retreat: Day 4 - AM

It's our last full day on Retreat!
I'm sad, but I am also missing my family a lot! I'll be ready to head home tomorrow, but not so ready to go back to the day job.
There's a chill in the air this morning - a put your socks and sweatshirt on kind of chill. I'm in the comfy chair in my room - feet propped up, cozy blanket over me. I will be napping again today. For sure.
So the loud group has not gotten any quieter or any more considerate. They tromp down our hallway talking at the top of their lungs, staring into our rooms, and generally being a pain. This morning there was one of those punching balloons being excessively played with. At 7:15 am.
Currently, someone is robbing the ice machine. I can hear them dumping the ice into a cooler or something. There will be none left for anyone else, which is also a jerk move.
And then tonight there is a wedding. We'll see what kind of chaos that brings.
We'll have our game and prize drawing this evening, which is always a blast.
Until then, I will be working on my new story. The only thing I need at this point is names for the main characters. Working on that right now.