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Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Good and Bad!

I know I'm terrible at posting these days! I'm terrible at most things these days!
Here's what I'm bad at:
1. Remembering stuff. I've forgotten appointments, planned things, stuff the kids say, calls I need to make, and everything in between.
2. Doing stuff. I haven't written. I haven't cleaned my house. I am barely able to function these days.
3. Life. I suck.
4. Being a good friend. I suck at this for sure. I apologize. I don't mean to suck at this. I hate to suck at this, but I am having a hard enough time being a friend to my family and myself right now. And I hate it all.
5. Writing.. I know this is a kind of repeat. I haven't written since the Tuesday before Mom died. I have ideas. I have a short to write. I have edits coming soon. I am trying...
Here's what I'm good at:
1. Sleeping. (Though that's a lie) I want to sleep, but can't.
2. Being with my sister's and brother. We're awesome as a unit. We suck apart.
3. Crying at random times.
4. Missing my folks. I miss them both so much. I miss my Momma so much. She wasn't supposed to go so freaking soon!
5. I'm also good at NOT sleeping! Some nights are good. Others not so much. My brain takes over, the anger takes over, the sadness takes over, and I'm awake. I need a tazer for my brain....
Things to come:
Bad:
1. Dealing with their house.
2. Dealing with certain siblings.
3. Dealing with our super good friends moving away and everything else friend related.
4. Being an adult. No way. Don't want to.
5. Staying where I am right now... Not acceptable.
Good:
1. Getting stuff done.
2. Mom's book coming out.
3. Finding a way to get back to me.
4. Knowing I have the best family ever.
5. Selling the house. Eventually....

ERG!!! That is all...
Behave!

Thursday, June 04, 2015

Proud!

My baby boy graduated from high school tonight!
It was an amazing ceremony full of music, tears, laughs, and love! There were only 42 graduating in his class, so much different than other graduations I've been to - including my own. The principal broke up with emotion many times during the night. So did the kids. And the teachers. And me.
They're a family and it was and is amazing. I'm so grateful he excelled there and that he loved it so much!
I'm so proud of him and I'm so proud to be part of this school. K4 has 3 more years there and I'm so excited for her!
And I'm excited to see what K3 does next!
Behave!

Monday, June 01, 2015

Too Much...

So after an epic weekend of fun, craziness, and relaxation, we got home and found out Bob's best friend passed away in a tractor accident...
We are crushed.
Bob's best friend is also my sister-in-law's cousin.
I think this family has been through enough already...
I also think that's selfish of me to say, but I don't know how much more I can take.
Gah....
That is all for now...
Behave!

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Still Not Writing...

Nah, I didn't think I would be tonight. I know I will soon, which is half of the battle. I actually have an idea, which is weird and amazing at the same time.
This week has been pretty brutal. Busy at the day job - like insanely busy. A touch of the stomach bug went through this house, which was also insane, awkward, and rude.
They started our roof this morning, which interrupted my moaning and groaning about my stomach hurting and forced me to at least try to go to work (I made it through the entire day, which is really good, especially since I can't afford any more time off right now).
I put together Mom's bills & assets and now have to take that to the attorney.
Our puppy went to stay at my sister's while the roof is being worked on because she would be way to stressed out here by herself while the roof is being done. It was a good call, but I miss her.
We've been at Mom's every night taking care of stuff and home after eight every night.
This weekend is K1's birthday party and the first time he gets K5 overnight. That's epic and will be celebrated, but there's stuff to do...
Yeah, and I'm not complaining. It's just life right now - adjusting to new normal, dealing with everything, planning... you know....
K3 graduates a week from today. My baby boy...
School is out for K4 a week from tomorrow. She's moving to 10th grade. And yeah... My baby girl...
K2 has been sending us audio of Baby C talking. It is so stinking cute! I miss my girls...
So yeah... dealing.. adjusting... trying...
Behave!

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Still Raw...

I brought the folks home tonight...
We had Mom cremated as she wished and her ashes were mixed with Dad's. We had to get another box to store them and we picked one that we can open and take ashes to spread when we feel up to that.
Now we wade through the legal and financial stuff. I was working on that tonight - going through bills and bank statements - preparing a list for the attorney. The family chose me and my sister in law to be estate administrators. Then, we'll need to clear out the house. Oh and my family may be moving there if we can work it out. We'll see...
This weekend was equal parts rough and good. Rough because we always camped with Mom and Dad. This would have been our first Memorial Day camp out without Dad. Instead, it was our first without them both. Mom had been planning on coming and using her camper for the first time since Dad passed. How much suck is that?
It was a nice weekend, though. It was nice to relax and not have to get up at a certain time or talk to people if I didn't want to. We got there late because our house was horrible due to not being home consistently in almost two weeks. We had to clean and I'm so glad we did. Coming home to a clean house (despite the napkins the cats decided to strew all over the place) was really, really nice. It was freezing Saturday night and I thought I might die. Sunday night was better, though. Our friends came camping with us, which was awesome, even though I didn't feel well after the picnic and had to cancel plans to go visit a friend who just had surgery. K5 and Baby B were there, which was also awesome. I also had a great conversation with Simon and I should be writing again soon. I actually have an idea for the anthology we'll be self publishing with a few other authors.
Now I'm just waiting for the new normal to settle in... I miss my parents. I never thought I was going to be an orphan this soon.
Behave!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

So...I Last Posted 10 Days Ago...

Ten days ago, my Momma was alive.
Now she's not.
She was amazing over the weekend. Not sick. Not even a cramp.
I called her Monday morning and she said she wasn't feeling well. I checked in with her at lunch and she said she had really bad stomach cramps. That Man and I had a meeting for his Mom after work. She's not doing so hot right now either. Once we were done, we headed to Mom's to check in on her - maybe make her some supper and take care of stuff.
Only we ended up calling an ambulance.
She had emergency surgery in the early hours of Tuesday morning. She never woke. Her body couldn't fight off the toxins from the perforated bowel. We didn't even know she had a problem. Neither did she. By Wednesday, we had to make decisions.
And we had to watch our mother die.
I wasn't ready to let her go. I wasn't ready to be without my momma. I miss her so very very much.
We had her services on her birthday.
It's been a really long week...But I am grateful to this crazy family for sticking together and not wanting to leave each other...
I miss you, Momma.
Behave!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Weekend Wrap Up!

I know it's been 10 days since I posted last! Things have been crazy here!
Our family planned a surprise birthday party for my mom. It was this weekend! We camped, had a fire, a band, and lots of friends and family! It was a blast! Mom was surprised! Very awesome! And I'm so glad it turned out so well! Mom deserves it!
We went up to my sister's Friday night to get stuff done! Ate pizza, drank some beer, and had a blast by the fire! And we got a lot of stuff done, too!
We got up and got busy - cooking, cleaning, setting stuff up. We took a lot of breaks, but that was the plan. We didn't feel rushed at all, which was amazing and great and what we wanted. We laughed our butts off being silly and inappropriate and worked together to get stuff done!
Mom finally arrived and was surprised! Yay! My sister-in-law made an awesome cake. Mom had friends there that I'm not familiar with, but they stayed and seemed to enjoy themselves. She had all of her "adopted" kids there, too.
This morning, we had mimosas, the kids and guys made breakfast, and us mom's sat in the backyard drinking our mimosas and laughing hysterically and not doing any work! Very awesome!
I got to see Baby C, K5, and Baby B. Super awesome! Baby C is getting so big and she smiled at me! K5 launched herself into my arms and talked my ear off! Baby B is at the fun age! We played cars, he conned me into cookies (of course), and he had a blast running around in our camper! We have an ice cream date before I go on retreat!
I also got to see my first adopted son (current count is two adopted sons and I think four adopted daughters by now, but I lose track! LOL) He moved away about 9 years ago and we've kept in touch. He and his new wife just moved about an hour away and it was so great to see him and meet her! She's awesome and I love it! We had a blast catching up and I had a blast watching his face when he saw the younger kids for the first time in 9 years!
The weekend was fantastic! We had a few hiccups, but nothing too major! Our Elsa-puppy did so great! She's exhausted like the rest of us! She knew when to take herself away from the crowd and knew where to plop down so she could rest. She has a boyfriend now -  actually two. One is a huge German Shepard / rottweiler mix and the other is a tiny Pomeranian... She is getting fixed in less than a month and yes, we have and will have "the talk" with her...
Once we got home, we unloaded the truck and went to see That Man's Mom. She's recovering from a pretty bad infection and needs to get her strength back. I love this woman. She's been a second mom to me for the past 30 plus years. She helped teach me how to drive. She's been a rock for me on so many occasions and I love her.
Like I said, she's like my own mom, and my own mom seriously rocks. Both mom's have strength in places I don't think I have.
So now it's Sunday night.... I did my words for the 50/50 and now I am going into full retreat mode! I leave Thursday! I am so freaking excited! The first three days of this week with be crazy though! I have so much to do! All of the retreat swag and stuff is spread out over my living room. It needs to be condensed and organized. Which will happen tomorrow!
That is all...
Behave!