Thursday, November 21, 2013


The past day and a half have been absolutely brutal.
I have been with my sister in grief. I have held her as she sobbed. More times than can be counted. I have watched her cry with those that feel his loss. I have seen the grief and heard the words that come with losing someone so young and so incredible. I have learned things about him I hadn't had the chance to learn yet. I have felt at a loss to help.
I have felt the loss of a great man.
I have almost pulled hair out.
I have almost slammed a face into a counter.
I have almost punched someone.
A bunch of times.
And multiple someones.
I have lost sleep over a woman who is so heartless she doesn't deserve this sentence.
I have bothered a funeral director to the point where he may or may not have walked away from me at one point. (I followed.)
I have been outspoken, but not loud or obnoxious.
I have been told to cool my jets.
I have also been told my bail, should I need it, would be covered.
Yes. It was that bad. Brutal.
All of this as my sister mourns her best friend, her soul mate, the person who successfully saved her from herself, and the love of her life. (All things she was to him. Without doubt and verified many times over the past day and a half)
I played it cool. I didn't start anything. I kept my mouth shut and my fists of fury in my pocket. My sister didn't want me to make a scene. My husband was the voice of reason. My dad told me to cool it. The funeral direction said he had the cops on speed dial. My uncle said he'd post my bail. (see that conflict?)
We stood together as a family - my parents, my sisters, my brother, my sister-in-law, my daughter and son-in-law, my nieces, my uncle, my sister's friends, my nephew, my niece-in-law.  (and my son and daughter-in-law who tried so hard, but couldn't be there, but were there for discussion and venting.) We constantly reminded each other that everyone knew the truth of the situation. We saw it. Everyone saw it. We witnessed people proving they also knew the truth.
But, yet, it was brutal.
From the "party scene" mentality going on in front the open casket, to the complete and total lack of respect shown to anyone who wished to express their grief. The wake was more solemn and quiet that the services.
In the end though, it's about my sister and having to make a new life without her soul mate. It's about being with her and here for her as she struggles through what comes next. It's not going to be easy.
And today we learned of another passing - the mother of a dear friend. It wasn't unexpected, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Cancer sucks.

1 comment:

Ava Quinn said...

I'm sorry things were so tremendously difficult. You don't need that.