I hate to say it, but I think the gnomes are winning.
(Don't tell them I said that though)
They've resorted to sabotage because I refuse to budge on certain issues. (like girly mags and an unlimited supply of booze - I have impressionable children at home. Not gonna happen.) They have killed all of the flowers in their garden, except for the Hostas, and some of them aren't looking too hot. The hearty lavender I planted is dead, though the other two lavender plants I put in pots are thriving. The daisies didn't come back. The ivy didn't either.
I'm not sure what they used to poison the earth, but part of me believes they're using that section of earth as their toilet. I think that would explain it.
The gnome that lives inside has moved to a higher perch. I believe this is so he can watch over us and report our conversations and movements to the outside militia. Also, I think it gives him a sense of importance - like a king or something.
I think I need to be more cautious, or I may wake up a prisoner.