Bad Blogger

Yes, I suck!
I love this blog, and I hate not posting!
Not going to make excuses, because I always found time to blog before, so let's just move forward, okay? I will do my best to do better and maybe even try to be interesting. Maybe. No guarantees on that! Ha!
Okay... So what's been going on around here?

1. Total vehicle annihilation. Lost the tranny in That Man's Clown car a few weeks ago. Today, the drive shaft took a crap in our stupid mini-van. Which leaves my truck - my dying 'burban with over 200K miles, an electrical issue, and a tire that will need to be replaced soon. The Clown car is going to the Great Salvage Yard in the sky, but other than that, I have no idea what's going to happen, or how much anything will cost.

2. Crazy kids - Nothing has really changed in that department. It is very much chaos in this house, more lately. I really thought it would relax some once the wedding was over, but that hasn't been the case. We seem to be stuck in some kind of perpetual weird loop.

3. Writing - I am doing that! Have had to do some retraining with the new school schedule, but so far so good. Signed up for a conference in October and am very excited!

4. Other stuffs - This weather is so weird. It was so stinking hot today. I can't stand it! Time is moving by way too fast! Laundry never seems to get done. I suck at Twitter these days. I need to get some clothes for this conference. The day job is still very intense. My cat is shedding like crazy. My daughter could not move her very fat rat into their new apartment, so we are still "babysitting" the spoiled stinky beast. We will have a new driver in the house soon. (too bad there's no car for him to drive! Oy!)

Okay, I'm done blabbing for tonight. Sorry for the uninteresting content. Ha!
Behave!

Gah! I Suck!!!

Sorry about the long radio silence!! There has been a lot going on around here!
1. Bridal Shower - it was gorgeous and fun and beautiful... and the bride-to-be's phone was stolen, money was stolen... from my purse, and from my sister's purse!!! Some bridesmaids were jerks and rude, but all of that aside, my daughter had a spectacular day and that's all that matters.
2. Out of town guests - they're here (though not at the moment). It's been fun, and we're all aware that the length of time they're here is stressful. We've talked about ways to lessen the stress and are actively involved in all of that. We're having fun and that's all that matters. Plus, I love my sister-in-law and my niece and nephew... and yes, my brother-in-law, but he already know that and it makes his head swell! ha!
3. K3 joining the local barber shop group! He's so thrilled! I've yet to hear them, but I know it's awesome!
4. Summer vacation! Yay no more prying kids out of bed in the morning!
5. Lot's of funny things... you'll have to wait for them...
6. Wedding in less than 2 months!! Do I know what's going on? No!!  Will I soon? I hope!!
7. Me having some days off work soon! I cannot wait!
That's it for the moment! There's a lot more.. But damn... I'm tired...
Behave!!!

Effort!

Things have been so nuts here lately!
To be able to feel normal again and because of personal need, here are the things I will be putting more effort into... (besides what I always put it into - kids, husband, day job. Those things will most likely increase as well...) Anyway...
1. Writing. I've been slacking. I know I've had some good reasons and that I've had no choice but to step away from the page. Too much lately. (though I have been writing. I am making really good progress on my goal for the month). But I need to make it a priority over some of the stupid stuff that's been going on.
2. Blogging. Obviously, I suck! I look back on my earlier blogs and I remember how much I love this blog! I want to feel like that again!
3. Exercise. Wedding in less than 4 months. Mother of the bride. Need to rock the dress. 'Nuff said.
4. Organizing this ridiculous house.
5. Shower planning. We're working on it, but there are many details to decide on and a pretty hefty guest list. (This is what happens when the bride and groom come from large families)
6. Other social media - I haven't tweeted in two weeks!
7. Email. Anyone that knows me, knows I usually never leave an email in my box unanswered for very long. That hasn't been the case lately.
8. Taking care of myself. Yes, that should go with #3 and does, but I've had the same stinking cold for 3 weeks now. I haven't been sleeping well, eating right, or taking my vitamins. Or doing other things for my good mental health.
9. Keeping up with my "to do" list! I don't know if you remember how much I normally rely on it!
10. Spending time with That Man. I put this separately from the above, because there's a difference between the above and this point. Don't even ask me when the last time we had time by ourselves... that must be taken care of.
We'll see how I do...
Behave!

Feel Good Friday - The Pre-Christmas Sunday Edition

I suck as much this week as I did last week! What craziness! Friday was the earliest we managed to get home and it was almost 9pm... I only cooked dinner one night, I think. Between Scout stuff, Christmas stuff, work stuff... Yeah, well, you get the picture. It's a pretty good chance your week was similar.
Here's the good stuff...
1. Surviving.
2. After fighting, frustration, and finally having to drive to the delivery company for pick up, the kid's big gift is in house. I've been with this company for a long time, and I won't ever order from them again. (Not the delivery company, the place where I ordered the gift) (and no, I can't talk yet, it's too risky and it's a huge surprise!)
3. Celebrating 26 years of marriage with my best friend.
4. All of the presents are wrapped, the house is almost clean, laundry is almost done... I'd hoped to be done by yesterday, but it was an unreasonable goal.
5. Cooking tomorrow! We are having tacos for Christmas dinner for K4's birthday. I need to make her cupcakes - red velvet with cream cheese frosting, guacamole, cookies, and food for Christmas Eve at the 'rents.
6. Getting to see The Hobbit with the K's tonight. Great movie. I am still in love with the world. I don't think that will ever change.
7. Looking forward to tomorrow and Tuesday.
8. Snow in the forecast! Yay!
That's enough for now. We won't talk about the bad - my truck not starting, the complete obliteration of my bank account, the constant changing of plans for tomorrow and Tuesday with one of the K's, no writing done, the leak in my washing machine, the frustration of #2, having to give a rat a bath, the fact that it's nearly midnight and our bed is full of clean laundry that needs to be put away. Oy!
I hope to be back tomorrow, so I'll save my Christmas wishes for then!
Behave!

More Eye Issues...

Yesterday I had to make yet another trip to the doctor for stupid stuff...
Not really my eye, but close enough that my (opposite than the cornea scratch) eye is involved - as in swollen like I got the crap beat out of me involved. And black and blue. And painful.
The doc thinks I got bit by something.
It's nasty and I look hideous.
I'm on mega antibiotics and I have to go back to the doc tomorrow.
It hasn't gotten any worse since I started the meds and the swelling has improved, but the actual problem remains the same. The doctor freaked me out with out adamant she was about how dangerous this could be.
Joy.
We'll see what happens tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm doing my best to do my best. The headache and discomfort are driving me nuts. I have crap to do and this is not helping. Wah!
That is all.
Behave!

My Writing Day...

So far...
(No Tall Tale Tuesday this week. I got nothing.)
Take kids to school, take walk, make more coffee, settle in to catch up on email. Get more coffee. Open document. Find where I ended yesterday. Wonder what I was thinking. Refill coffee. Get up and look out window. Still have no idea. Open old document to see where I was with transferring the decent scenes into the new document. Can't find it. Abandon computer for a few minutes to start laundry. Granddaughter screaming while her daddy desperately tries to figure out what's wrong. Can't help but help. Baby falls asleep. Back to computer. Still not sure what I was thinking with those last few lines. Read back a few paragraphs. No idea. Refill coffee. Update calendar. Make calls concerning writing group. Check email again. Start dinner in crock pot. Back to document. Baby screaming again. Again, can't help but help. Finally figure out that nipple hole on bottle is too big. Change that. She settles in and starts talking to me. Too cute. Go back to computer. More aware of where I was going with scene. Copy and paste next segment to edit. Realize my head is killing me and I'm hungry. Make terrible canned soup. Eat only half while I recheck email again and talk to B.
And it's now...
Now I hope I have all of this out of my system and can make some real progress this afternoon. And to facilitate that I will be disconnecting from the Internet and turning off my phone. But...my head still hurts.
Behave!

Dear...

Dear Supernatural People,
I miss you. 22 days is a really long time!
Dear Headphones,
Without you I would have gotten nothing done today. Okay, so with you I didn't get much done. It's not my fault the grandbaby's here, or that you're broken, or that it's so hot out.
Dear Neighbor,
Having your friends honk their horn is not an acceptable way for them to let you know they've arrived. Tell them to stop it. Also, stop yelling at your kids when you're in front of my house.
Dear Mother Nature,
Can you turn down the thermostat a little? It's too hot to breathe.
Dear Towels,
Please come back so I can wash you.
Dear Weekend,
Hurry up, please. I need you.
Dear Hurricane Earl,
Please avoid the Outer Banks. I'd really like to go back again soon!
Dear Work in Progress,
Stop being so stubborn. I need to finish you.
That is all.
Behave!

Hold This Spot For Me...

...Tomorrow! I will be back tomorrow with the weekend recap!
Happy Dad Day!
Now I'm tired. Going to bed.
Behave!

Weird Wednesday

So, they're calling for more snow, but can't decide how much. Yes, I braved the grocery store crowd, mainly because I have a busy day tomorrow and I was already out tonight. Plus, B's car's in the shop, so there's a chance he'll need to drive mine tomorrow. I even got gas, which required waiting in line for far too long. There was no store-brand bread. At all. But we're not going to talk about that right now.
We're also not going to talk about the immense garage bill that's accumulating as we speak. Mine needed stupid things like windshield wipers, some kind of rear seal, oh, and rear brakes. His needs some stupid wheel bearing that isn't the least bit dangerous if it disintegrates while he's driving it. Joy.
Nor are we going to talk about the icky toe, the fighting, the kid drama, or how bad my dog stinks.
So, what are we going to talk about?
Beats the heck out of me. I got nothing. It's been one of those long, long days. I've been home long enough to throw some laundry in, read my email, return a phone call, and take my shoes off... and I still have much to do before bed. Time is going too fast, but I'm still going to try to get a few more things done. We'll see. Weariness is settling over me as I type. Maybe it's better to start fresh in the morning?
That is all.
Behave!

Yep.

/>Yeah. So.
Behave!

Don't Forget

Sometimes it's easy to forget what you are.
What am I talking about?
Sometimes it's easy to forget you're a writer.
When life butts in and grabs you by the hair, forcibly pulling you away from your writing time and your writing goals, you tend to forget a little. If you have day after day of taken away writing time, (different than planned time off) it's even harder to get back into the swing of things and usually a form of apathy sets in. You remember how long you've been putting words on the page, how many rejections you've weathered, how many times you've sent something out only to be told "this isn't right for us". You wonder why you're still pushing, why you're still dreaming, why you can't just let it go and move on.
That apathy disables you.
It disables me.
There are days I sit and stare at my computer screen with the negative running through my head, the above, and more. Sometimes I'm even compelled to open my submission file and go over just how much is in there. It's not helpful, I'll tell you that much. Some days I have to force myself to open the document and read. And then, it happens.
I feel the spark. The need to tell the story. The need to put the words on the page. And it all comes back. Which is a very good thing.
We all struggle with the negative. No matter what stage we're at, how many books we've published, how many great reviews we've received. If anyone tells you any differently, they're either lying or delusional. Eventually the nasty jerk creeps up on us all. It's up to you what you do with it. Will you use it to refocus your efforts? Or will you let it cut you off at the knees?
I know I've talked about this before. This is an issue that never goes away, that sometimes needs handled differently every once in a while. It helps to be reminded I'm not alone when I start feeling icky.
So...you're not alone.
Now, get back to work.
Behave!

Welcome to my Week.

This has been a pretty weird week around here.
Let's see if I can sum up...
1. The refrigerator died. We thought we were going to be able to save it, but we were wrong. By Tuesday night, we were hoping that the ancient behemoth in the basement would wake up enough to keep stuff cold. It did. And it's very tiny. (It's a behemoth because it weighs approximately 728 tons) I'd held off on going to the store until Tuesday afternoon because our efforts appeared to have worked. Stuff was cold, ice was being made, the waffles were frozen again. Yeah. Whatever. A friend of ours is hooking us up with one that'll hold us over for now.
2. Last night I spent the entire day cleaning due to having company last night. I couldn't find my mop heads and ended up scrubbing all floors on my hands and knees. (I'm paying for that now) And, of course, the farthest the company came into the house was the kitchen and an occasional trek upstairs to the bathroom. It was good though. A good time.
3. I met my writer's group goal, which was set pretty darned high because of the retreat. Even though I met the bulk of it at the retreat, the weeks since have been so chaotic my writing time's been drips and dribbles.
4. Today was the last day of school. K2 is totally jazzed about being a senior. And, I kid you not, exactly 2 hours after K4 came home, I heard it...yes. I did. "I'm bored." Something tells me it's going to be a really, really long summer.
5. Two mornings this week the neighbor's dog howling woke me. At Five-freaking-thirty a.m. Picture me not happy. Then, the dog continued to howl for hours. Very irritating. And, of course, I haven't been able to catch the owner to talk to her about it. One night this week we were treated to a lovely concert featuring the other neighbor's car alarm going off constantly. Good stuff.
I think that's most of it. There was a lot more, but it's not really blog worthy. Hopefully that explains my absence around the old blog.
Back soon with a Feel Good Friday list.
Behave!

Musing Monday

I'm having trouble focusing today. My brain is going in a million different directions. The document is open. I've written about 3 coherent paragraphs and a chunk of random thoughts and yet, I still can't find a way to concentrate.

Some of the stuff I'm thinking about:

Television:
There isn't much that interests me beyond Supernatural and Ghosthunters. I want to watch Castle, but can't seem to remember and I know there are a few other shows out there that I'd like. I've never watched Lost, CSI, or Bones. Mainly because I forget. The girls have taken to watching some strange reality shows that alternately irritate and frustrate me. Today I find myself surfing the channels in search of something that qualifies as background noise. Not real productive. Not at all productive. Brides behaving badly, brides with huge wedding budgets that behave nicely, but spend frivolously, redneck brides, you're my baby daddy screaming and crying, a demon possessed my son, I was attacked by an incubus or a succubus, I was involved in a cult - holy frickin' get a life. Yikes. Though, it is like watching a train wreck - you can't tear your eyes away. I need to. Seriously.

Telemarketers:
Stop calling me. Just stop it. I am not going to purchase, invest, give, or call you back. If I want you, I will call you. And I won't, ever, if you continue to call me. Five times today. And we're on the "Do Not Call" list.

Writing:
As I mentioned above, I'm having trouble getting started today. I'm only about a half-page away from meeting my monthly writing goal. I'll get there. Hopefully today.

My computer:
If it doesn't stop randomly turning off, I'm going to stomp it into tiny bits. I can't figure out why the turning off stuff keeps happening. It's not the power cord. It's really frustrating. Especially when it shuts off while I'm writing. Or when I'm in the middle of blogging - like just now.

The wind:
Or...the weather. We had a pretty big storm go through here yesterday (tornadoes touched down in some areas) and we were left with windy conditions. The wind is ravaging the back of the house, making the cracked window in the kitchen (missle cup) rattle in the oddest way. It's annoying.

Yeah, there's more, but I've bored you enough!
Behave!

Doing Your Thing...

To clarify...

I realize my mention of volunteer activities on my post yesterday sounded kind of snarky. Thought I'd clarify that point a little, if you don't mind...

Volunteering is fantastic. I love volunteering and community outreach. There are tons of organizations that could use your help - from the school, to food banks and everything else. Worthy organizations with a real need for happy volunteers.

And that's the thing - "happy volunteers".

If scraping stickers off the lunchroom floor makes you happy - then, by all means, do it. If you want to help and that's the only thing you're able to manage - then do it. If cutting apart labels for the school fundraiser makes you happy, then do it.

But don't do it if it doesn't make you happy. (though sometimes even the stuff you do happily can make you tired and worn) Yeah, sometimes we gotta. I understand that. I live in the same world.

If you're giving up your writing time, perhaps it's time to start saying "NO". It's hard. I know that. But you'll thank yourself later. Volunteering is your choice, your decision, your time. Don't do it if it's going to seriously hamper your writing time on a consistent basis.

If you're saying "yes" as a way to get out of writing, then you need to have a serious talk with yourself. It's hard to say no. But you can do it, especially if it falls within your writing time. You don't have to give a reason. It's no one's business why you can't help. Practice saying no in the mirror. Always be ready to say no and stick by your answer. Decide when you can help out and don't waver.

Still snarky?
Behave!

Random Sunday Stuff

I've been feeling pretty low about my writing the past few days. I know where a lot of the feelings are coming from. My writing time has been wrecked for days now. There's a lot going on around here, a lot of worry, stress, obligations, things to take care of. Some changes that are still being adjusted to and some issues that will hopefully be resolved by this time next week. So, I know I'm dealing with an overabundance of external (and internal) stress and since this stuff tends to work together for my detriment, I know. I just know.
One of the things I've been doing is trying to get things organized around here. Space is a premium issue at the moment, and the lack of it is driving me nuts. I had bag upon bag of writing related stuff in my closet. Yesterday, I pulled it all out to go through. One bag was stuffed full of rejection letters. You already know where this is going, right? I was already feeling low and seeing page upon page of "no, thank you" really took the spit right out of me. I should have put it aside for another day, but I didn't. Once I had that stuff cleaned out, I tackled my desk. And found another folder stuffed full of "no, thank you" letters. I organized the letters into a binder, which meant 3-hole punching them all. (My ultimate goal, once my career takes off, is to wallpaper my office bathroom with my rejection letters.)
Anyway. While I'm still fighting off the stress-induced willies, I found a few things that have made me feel a little better - a thank you note from a cprw member for the work I did on the retreat, a poem a friend of ours wrote for my birthday, a "take some time for" list written to me by an author friend during a previous low spot. A card from B with a really beautiful note inside. I put them all on the outside of my rejection folder, along with my submission postcards. I guess it's my way of reminding myself that though that folder is filled with less than desirable results, I have value to the people who matter most to me.
Why is it easy to accept the bad things, and so hard to accept the nice things people think/say about us? I don't know if that's a nature or nurture type thing and don't want to examine that subject at this point. All I know is that it would have been much easier to toss those good things and continue to focus on the stuff that was adding to my misery. I had to force myself to pay attention to those items.
Eh. I don't know.
On a more random note...I borrowed my mother-in-law's paper shredder to decrease the load of paper that shouldn't just be tossed into the garbage. Whoot! Paper shredding. Is there something wrong with me because I love the paper shredder? I'm shredding everything, baby! There's a small stack left to do, but the noise makes B nuts, so I'm trying to not do it while he's local. I used to have a shredder of my own, but I broke it due to overuse. I want another one, which is probably too strange.
That's all.
Behave!

The Eve of The New Year

I started writing a deep and thought provoking post about motivation and momentum, but I lost it when a virus descended on my computer. I spent most of last night trying to get rid of the darned pest. By the time I did, my motivation for anything but sleep was long gone. That's the last time I search the web for snowblower parts, I'll tell you that much.
Anyway.
Part of the post I was working on when the virus arrived talked about how last year seemed to lose momentum and how it took me until not very long ago to realize I was letting "life" interfere with writing - letting it suck away time and letting it alter my view. "Life" probably isn't the right word. Normal life isn't a problem - it's supposed to be there. You have to live, take care of and spend time with the people who are important to you, pay your bills, feed the dog, change the cat litter, buy food. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the things you're supposed to brush off and move on from. Let's call that "stress", okay?
Normally, I'd be the first to say "suck it up and get to work" and "quit whining", because it does sound like whining. It sounds like an excuse - a really stupid excuse.
But sometimes those things "stress" pile up and before you know it, you're buried pretty far underneath. You don't realize how you got there either, or what it's doing to you, your life, your relationships, your precious writing time. All you know is that you feel like crap and you don't know why. You sit down to write, but you feel like the creative synapses in your brain have all fused together. Then, you make excuses - "I'm tired", "If I don't do the laundry, we'll all be naked" - stuff like that. You think it's "life", but it's not. Not really. Because under normal circumstances you have a semblance of balance, at least occasionally.
Stress is what makes you look at everything through broken glasses. It makes you forget to see the good things in life. Stress sucks the joy out and makes you feel small and broken. We all deal with stress, and it's relative to what you're used to. I'm used to the chaos of four children and our huge dog (I'm not saying I don't get stressed by my house at times). What I deal with, happily, on a daily basis might send a seemingly normal person to their knees in tears. It's relative to what you're used to.
When you've already got a ton of abnormal stress in your life, you're like a "stress magnet" (currently, my picture should be beside this word). Things tend to pile up around you constantly - one after another until you think you might collapse under the weight. It happens sometimes. I think you know what I'm talking about: flat tires, broken appliances, sick children, ect. that all happen on the same day, and then the next day is even worse, the day after that as well.
I don't have any advice on how to deal with that. I wish I did. I wish I knew the magic secret to banishing stress, and depolarizing the stress magnet. That sure would come in handy around here. Unfortunately, no one really knows the answers, and if they tell you they do they're probably selling something. Especially for the stress that seems to drop out of the sky like baseball-sized hail. Dealing with it is personal and situational. What works for me won't work for you and the other way, but sometimes trying another persons way helps you find your answers.
Though, I think recognizing your stress and what you're letting it do to you is part of the way to cope. There are simply some things you cannot change - no matter how hard you try, or how much you want things to be different. It's easy for other people to say "let it go", "don't let it rule you", but since they're not walking around in your soggy shoes they really don't know what you're dealing with. They don't know how hard it is to continue to put one foot in front of the other when it feels like you're wearing flip flops in a blizzard. Not that they don't mean well. They do.
My point? Gee, I'm not sure I really have one. Or maybe the point is that sometimes we all get buried under the pile. No one can pull you out, though they can help you find your own way out. Maybe just knowing you're not alone is enough. Life does go on though. You have to decide if you're going to let stress paralyze you or if you're going to swing off the rope and dive into the water with both feet and deal with what might happen when it happens. Sometimes you'll stay safe on the shore, and other times...
Well, that's another post.
And I think that's all for now.
Celebrate safely tonight, and...
Behave!

Perspectives

It's been a little while since I've done a writing post.
I'm not promising anything, except maybe a random collection of equally random thoughts. I don't really have a soapbox issue to talk about, but a few snippets of thoughts in my head after conversations with my writing friends.
1. If you quit, it'll never happen for you.
I've talked about this before. It's still true. No one is going to knock on your door and offer you a contract. You have to work for it.
2. Take only the advice that works for you.
Every writer is different. Every book is different. What works for one author might not work for you. Many things are the same with writers, but not everything. Find your own place and own it. It's yours.
3. Critiques.
You should have someone read over your work before you submit. And not your mom and your grandma either. Your eyes can no longer see mistakes. Your brain knows exactly what your hero meant, or why your heroine hates skull tattoos. Your reader might not. You need to know that something doesn't make sense, and you need to be able to take the criticism. There are emotions involved, but you have to put them away. If the suggestions don't ring true, ignore them. I mean, consider, but if after time spent really thinking about the comments, you still know your way is better don't change it. It's your story.
4. Do not deviate!
Once you make your mind up to do something, do it. Doubts will creep in at some point. Do whatever necessary to dig yourself out of doubt hell, but stay the course. You'll never know if its going to work for you if you don't give it your all.
5. Cut yourself some slack.
Give yourself permission to goof off once in a while. You have to. That's the whole "refilling the well" thing. It's necessary.
6. Spend time with other writers.
Also necessary. Even if you don't write the same thing or have never shared your work. There's no better inspiration. If you don't belong to a writing organization, join one.
7. Do your research.
I'm not talking about finding out whether or not they wore underwear in 16th century Ireland. I'm talking about market research - submission guidelines, editor preferences, agent preferences, googling to see what other writers are saying about who/what/when/where, and listening to what your peers are saying. Be informed.
Okay. I think that's enough and I'm not sure that any of this makes sense!
Behave!

Quickie

I think I forgot to mention that while we were looking forward to most things this past weekend, the general insanity and constant running were not something that floated my boat. Sunday was even busier than Saturday, which is why I missed posting.
Friday night K2 had a friend sleepover and they decided to watch scary movies all night. I stayed up with them for a little while, but when I went to bed, they asked me to turn on the kitchen light. Neither would give me a reason why they all of a sudden needed the light on. Ha!
Saturday's birthday party was a lot of fun and we got to see people we haven't seen in nearly 2 years. There were a lot of little ones there, and a lot of little one crying. B and I were transported back in time, then we were glad little one screaming is no longer a part of our daily life.
Sunday was constant chaos. We hustled to my brother's for my niece's 21st birthday party to see another family we haven't seen in a long time - not 2 years long - but considering we used to be together nearly every weekend, it's been a long time. Had to rush home from there for three different activities and didn't end up finishing the day until 9 pm.
And that's why I didn't post yesterday...
I'll be back later for Moaning Monday!
Behave!