My Thoughts...

On the Royal Wedding...
I didn't watch it, but I might eventually. There isn't much that can drag me from my bed at four in the morning, except for maybe an impending beach trip or some other cool thing.
I don't follow the newlyweds in any way. I know who they are. I remember well when Charles and Diana married and I think I feel the same way I did then.
Half of my Twitter and Facebook pages hate the coverage. Half of them don't. Some are irate over the amount of money spent on the wedding. Some gave constant updates on dresses and guests and the ceremony.
In a world where there is far more bad news than good, what's wrong with the constant coverage? It's far better than watching police chase down a famous person for suspicion of murder. It's far better than hearing about the martial infidelities of someone considered a hero to many people, or having to constantly hear about the atrocities committed against animals by someone a lot of kids admired. I will admit that those types of coverage bring the same kind of social media comments, but at least the wedding was an upbeat positive event.
It's a real life fairy tale and who doesn't love that? Or maybe that's just my romance writer sensibilities. Weddings are a time of celebration. They're supposed to be mushy and romantic. And this wedding was a royal one, which adds the cultural fascination in addition to the royal fascination. The crowds waiting for a glimpse of their Royal Family were upbeat and positive and happy. That's got to count for something.
With all of the ugly stuff in the world, the break from constant bad news is nice. I'm glad my kids were exposed. They even watched some of it when they got home from school. Maybe they're just chips of the old block and romantics to their core...I can only hope...
That is all.
Behave!

The Power of Positive...

Recently, some friends and I got into a discussion about sharing good news.
One had just recently signed a 3-book contract and had a new book release and she commented about how her first impusle was to share with us, her writing friends, and then she had a second thought about it being kind of douchey to come back and post even more good stuff when a few of us have been in the dregs with writing and life. She said she didn't want to open up any chasms of personal failure feelings or jealousy or even hatred of her for the good things going on for her...
...and I say...piss on that!
Yes. I will fully admit that I had a moment of "oh crap. I must suck." I took a few minutes to wallow in my own personal baggage and issues. Though I can honestly say I was thrilled beyond belief for her. Her successes and what I was feeling were two very different entities - seperate from each other.
But then...here's what happened...
Her news motivated me. It lit a fire not just under me, but within me. I found hope. I've been focusing better, working harder, and remembering why I do this in the first place. Her good news and forward momentum pushed me and reminded me and put me back in charge.
Which is why I will say, again...Get some writing friends. Critique, learn, grow, cheer for each other, hold each other up when life gets tough and then see how you feel when one of them finds success in any way. It is something you will never regret.
Trust me.
Behave!

Saturday Soapbox

I've been having a lot of trouble focusing lately.
A lot of trouble.
My writing friends know this and I'm sure they're sick to death of me whining about it. But, they also understand. Though they're willing to get the boots out and kick me in the butt to get me moving. And they do.
But the things is no one can make me stay on the page. No one can make me unlock my brain and get the words out. I have to do that. Somehow.
It's not that I'm not making progress. I am. But it's little compared to what I should be putting out, where I should be with the projects I'm working on. And knowing that doesn't help. It spins the tumblers on those locks and makes it even more difficult to get in. It's not writer's block. Not at all. Some of it has to do with editing because that tends to make your eyes bleed and often has you questioning if you can even put together a coherent sentence. Sometimes I stare at the page and every single word looks the same.
Still...I don't despise editing. Editing means the project is one step closer to being done, no matter how many more passes it needs before it's shipped off to the critique partners.
So what do I do?
Well, for one, I started something new. A brain cleaner, if you will. It's completely different than the story I'm editing. And it's in first person - something I never write and I'm not sure I even like my first person voice. But, it's done the job. I am feeling more focused and more in control.
And that's what I needed.
It all boils down to this: At the end of the day, the only person I have to answer to is myself. If I have a sucky word count or none at all, I'm only sabotaging myself. Maybe I needed to fully realize that to break through the lack of focus, despite how many times I gave that exact thing lip service.
So there you have it.
Do it. Or don't. The only one you're disappointing is yourself.
Behave!

Do Your Thing Or Get Off The Pot

Ten things to think about when writing has you frustrated...
1. No one can tell you if you should quit writing.
Don't expect them to. Only you can answer that question. Ask yourself what you really want to hear in return when you give voice to it. 
2. It's your choice.
No one's twisting your arm to get you to write your book. You either want it bad enough that you'll figure out a way to get words on the page, or you don't. You can make your excuses, but at the end of the day if you're still in the same place you started, the only person you have to answer to is you.
3. We all get stuck, we all get afraid, we all have "stuff" that gets in the way.
The only thing in your power is how you respond to the fear and the interruptions and daily life that threatens your sanity and your work time. Again, how bad do you want it?
4. Maybe you need to work on something else?
Something outside of the project that's kicking your butt. Something to give you a different perspective. Or maybe you need to take a break for a little while and go back to the story fresh. Do what works for you and cut yourself some slack. Everyone gets bogged down and trapped by their current project occasionally.
5. Rejection sucks.
It does. And everyone gets rejected. Find a way to deal with it and move on. Wallow for a few days and then get back on the damned horse.
6. Waiting is the pits.
That's all there is to it. But that's what we do...wait. Which brings me to...
7. You're never going to get published unless you actually submit.
No one is going to come knocking at your door and offer to publish your book. No one is going to happen upon your blog or website and send you an email with an offer of representation or a contract. You have to do the work.
8. Writing is lonely.
Find some writing friends. Other people who write are the only ones who truly get you. They struggle with the same things you do and they're perfect for commiserating and celebrating. I couldn't ask for a more supportive husband and family, but my writing friends know exactly what I'm going through, especially after a rejection.
9. Join a critique group.
(No, your mom and grandma don't qualify unless they also write.) I know it's hard to put yourself out there. Sending your work to your writing peers is sometimes scarier than submitting it to a stranger. I still feel that anxiety when I send something out and I've had the same critique partners for years. (and they're fabulous) Get over yourself and do it. Critique partners and groups are very valuable. Sometimes it's hard to find the right mix, but once you do, you won't know what you did without them. Don't expect to get your pages back with glowing praise and smiley faces (if you want praise, send it to your mom). These people want to help you write a great book. Don't waste their time, but follow your instinct. It is your book.
10. Get out of the house.
Take a walk. Go to a coffee shop. Notice the fall colors and the clouds and the pretty things we all often forget to notice. Go to the library and look at the books published in the genre you're writing. Then, take a minute to look at exactly how many books there are in the library. The people that wrote them aren't very different from you. If they can do it, so can you.

How bad do you really want it?

Behave!

Weekend Stuff

Yesterday was my monthly writing group meeting. First we had a fantastic breakfast and a board meeting, then we had our regular meeting that included a recap of the National conference from those that went. I'd missed July's meeting thanks to a bunch of different reasons and I really, really missed my writing friends. So, again, I will get on my soapbox and say, if you write and you don't belong to a writing group, find one and join. You won't be sorry. I'm never sorry.
Last night was a graduation party. Her parents are very good friends of the "so close we're really family" variety. She and K2 have been friends their whole lives and the two of them have provided the parental units with much laughter and joy. We had a good time and enjoyed hanging out with everyone.
Today is a surprise baby shower for the same family's oldest daughter. I used to babysit her. And she's ten weeks away from having a baby boy. I feel so old. And I find it amusing that their weekend parties lined up exactly like ours did - graduation party on Saturday, baby shower on Sunday. I guess it just proves that great minds think alike, or crazy people do, I'm not sure which.
Writing when I finally get back home. Maybe more snippets, too. We'll see...
That is all for now.
Behave!

That Positive Thinking Thing

Or remembering to notice and enjoy the good stuff.
...something like that...
Everyone says there's power in positive thinking and I believe that. It's hard to remember to keep a positive mindset at times, especially in the face of perpetual toxins, but the alternative turns you into a bitter, angry person. The bad stuff has the power to wreck your day and cause you to miss the good stuff. But it's hard some days. Really hard.
So here's a reminder - for you and me.
Go outside and look at the clouds, notice the blooming flowers, close your eyes and feel the breeze on your face. Focus on the good things in your life. Remember your hope and your dreams and the people who love you.
And never, ever, ever give up.
Behave!
p.s. Taking a break from Tall Tale Tuesday for a few weeks. I promise it will return!

Why It Matters...

Today was my monthly RWA chapter meeting. I looked forward to it with a mixture of hope and dread. Hope because I love these people. They're my writing family. They get me (even if they think I'm weird, especially when I talk about mimes.). The dread was because I've been in crisis mode lately. Yes, again. Or maybe, still. Definitely still.
I've been analyzing the way I've felt and am feeling quite a bit the past few days and today really did help put things into perspective, though I'm still a little ways from being healed. Over the past few months, I've dealt with several major blows. Okay, a lot of them. And we're only talking career-wise, not the trauma and turmoil that's gone on in my house. I picture myself as a cockroach under the heel of a steel-toed work boot. Crushed. Or like a dragonfly and my wings have been pulled off. I work hard at my writing career because I want it so badly. I know I can maintain a long term career. I know I can be a full time author even with my hectic family life. And, like I said, I want it.
In my crushed state, I didn't/don't care. I don't write. I don't think about it, except with a grimness that scares the crap out of me. I even gave myself permission to quit, but the very thought filled me with a dark sickness that didn't leave until I decided that idea was ludicrous. Knowing I can't quit does help, but it doesn't propel me to the keyboard except to play the treasure hunting game I'm enamored with. I open the document, move my cursor to the right line and...stall. I re-read the short story I'm working on and get to the portion where I need to add more words and I stall. I wonder what the point is, why I try so hard, why I keep coming back to something that continuously beats me to a bloody emotional pulp.
We had a pep talk session at the meeting, because I'm not the only one struggling right now. I wrote down a few of the inspirational things said because despite knowing them and saying them on a regular basis I needed to remember them for myself. Then, I helped critique a friend's story and as I was going through her pages, I could feel that spark. It was dim and sad, but still there - shoved in the back behind my emotional baggage and the chaos of life. I'd like to say I grabbed that tiny flame and how my touch turned it into a roaring bon fire, but that would be a lie. But I at least reached for it. I want to hold it in my hands again and feel its pulse. I want to hear it breathing. I want it to lead me to purposeful writing time and the joy that brings.
After today, I remember why I do this. Because I love it. Because I have stories to tell. Because it's who I am at my core. And I know I won't quit. I'll stay a cockroach even if I occasionally get a face full of toxins or the business end of a well-placed heel, because after all, a cockroach can live through a nuclear blast and sometimes that's what this feels like to me.
And, while I'm not full of the joy quite yet, it's there enough for me to purposefully nurture. I have enough back to want to do something - to reclaim what's mine and move forward. I do know that it's something I will never give up, even if I never get that publishing contract or the career I envision. And that feels significant to me. (unless the mimes arrive)
I think I might just be okay.
Behave!

Saturday Stuff

I have no idea where this day has gone. I did some stuff, and some other stuff, but no writing stuff. Yet. Though I have to say, I'm thinking about taking the weekend off. I have to write at least 50 words tomorrow to stay in the 50/50 challenge, and I suppose I will.
To be honest, I'm having a tough time at the moment. Let's face it - it's hard to continue to keep smiling when disappointment continues to smack you in the face. Rejections seem to get harder, despite trying my best not to get my hopes up. Some days I have no idea what I'm even doing anymore. Some days I'd like to curl up in a ball in the corner and cry.
And then...
Then, I decide to watch a movie. (Thanks to a promotional offer from our cable company, we now have free premium channels.) And then...Bam! The movie has the exact message I need to hear.
...And my hope is restored.
I'm still a little shaky, but I will survive.
Behave!

Time?

....I post this picture because of the absolute love of Dr. Who that goes on in my house. (Are you sensing that my children have eclectic tastes?) They're patiently waiting for the new season to start with the new doctor. (Plus, David Tenant's a cutie.)
Anyway.
This was supposed to be about time.
There is never enough of it. Never. It's always been like that, it will always be like that. There's nothing we can do to change the universe to give us more, and even if we did, nothing would be different. There would not be enough even if you were a Time Lord. Stuff would fill it, and then there would be none. We have to do the best with what we have. Organize. Plan. And even that sometimes won't help you get everything done. My lists certainly don't help and they don't take into account the cash registers going out just as I get to the register with my groceries (yes, it happened again), or the cat puking, or the washer being off-balance and not wanting to spin the clothes no matter how many times you rearrange them and restart the cycle...ahem...
This morning I joined some friends for a brief writing challenge-type-thingy. We met in the chat room and worked for half hour spans, then reported our progress, chatted for a few minutes, and began again. It was a productive hour and fifteen minutes for all of us - well, except for the one who bailed halfway through, but that's beside the point. I finished my hard copy edits, and now have a few hours to begin inputting the changes into my computer. I don't believe I would be this far if it wasn't for the little challenge.
I keep saying it and I will continue. Get some writing friends and challenge each other. You won't be sorry. In fact, you might just be surprised at what else you get out of it.
Don't let time get you down. Make the most of what you have. Try your best. Give yourself a break when things spin out of control and make sure you use some of it to goof off a little. Oh, and listen to some Jason Manns while you're at it. You won't be sorry.
I think that's enough confusion for one day, don't you?
Oh, and don't forget to tune into Supernatural tonight!
Behave!

An Open Letter

Dear Spammers,
I respectfully request you no longer send me emails. For one, I do not have a penis. It would be impossible for me to consider your enlarging concoctions. I am not interested. Nor am I interested in buying cheap prescription drugs. Besides, I'm pretty sure that's illegal. Furthermore, I will not pose as some dead guys long-lost family member. I will not send you my personal information so you can secure funds into my accounts and if I cared about your causes, I would belong to them already.
Please stay out of my inbox.
Thank you.
Behave!

Motivation

I have it. Only it's being blocked by the cold germs from hell.
Yesterday was my RWA chapter meeting. I always love the January meeting. It fills me with hope and encouragement for the new year. I would have loved it more if I hadn't been so much of snot, but I digress. I love my chapter. I love the people. We laugh a lot. A lot.
It was fantastic to watch one of my very good friends receive our chapter's service award, and it was equally thrilling to watch my list of retreat attendees fill up. Now I'm jazzed for May and all of the retreat goodness that comes with it.
And, as a result of being around so many like-minded people, I am eager to get back into my work in progress. I'm eager to get our routine back and do my thing. The holidays were fun, but except for missing my uncle when he returns home, I'm glad they're over. The brown-tinged tree in my living room is begging to be put out of its misery, which is on the list for later today. As is saying goodbye.
My hope is that by the end of the day, I'll be ready to spend tomorrow doing my thing. You know, if this cold finally releases its hold on me.
That's all for today.
Behave!

Because...

...It's true.
...and cute...
Behave!

Stuff...

I already mentioned last week was on the rough side. There were a lot of things that happened, or didn't happen. I kind of had my legs knocked out from under me and found myself in this deep dark place without a flashlight. One of those situations where everything comes at you all at once and the smallest thing can push you towards a deeper hole. When the coffee ruined my laptop and combined with what was a rough writing week anyway, I was sure it was a sign I should stop writing. I didn't know if I had the energy or the fortitude to continue.
But then a few things happened. My friends supported me, talked me down, let me vent and cry. B did the same - letting me ramble until perspective snapped into place and then he insisted I replace the ruined laptop. Because even when I don't believe in myself, he believes in me. And I realized that quitting isn't an option - no matter how beaten down I feel. It's not possible.
Then, I was flipping radio stations and heard this song:...>The lyrics really hit me in a tender spot and not just because I love Dave Matthews (and yes, I have a soft spot for Kenny Chesney as well). I kept thinking about it - letting the words run around in my head. (I also have to admit I didn't watch this video until after I posted it. But man. It's stunning.)
And, though still a little raw, I'm nearly back where I need to be. I say nearly, because my work in progress insists on beating me black and blue every time I open the document and, of course, my current computer configuration makes it difficult to get anything done. The keyboard has too hard of a touch and my fingers feel raw after a short bit of typing. Once the shiny red laptop comes though...
I guess this is another "soapbox" post about not giving up, about finding a support group, about acknowledging your feelings and doing whatever necessary to put them into perspective.
Behave!

Saturday Stuff

Days like today make me get back up on my big ole soapbox about joining a writing organization. Today was my monthly writing group meeting. I love these people! There is nothing like (nothing) being in a room of like-minded people to put everything back into perspective! The morning started out rough. Really rough - as in our regular room was being used by another group who weren't very nice to us, even though we'd reserved the room a year in advance. Long story short, we had to use a much, much smaller room, which barely fit us and we then got booted out before we were completely finished. Frustrating!
When it comes down to it though, nothing else matters but being with people who understand exactly what it means to write. We had a great speaker - our usual November speaker - who also happens to be someone I really like and respect. We also had a great lunch and even though the conversation wasn't always happy roses and sunshine, it was good. There was a lot of good news flying around and I love that, especially when it's happening to friends. (Hopefully I'll be adding some author interviews to the blog soon, and hopefully I'll have two more friends to add to my list!!)
Anyway.
Join a writing organization. Go to your local chapter meetings. Get out of your box and actually talk to people, get to know them, find some friends. You won't regret it!
That's all I have for now!
Behave!

Some Advice...

For new (and I mean just out of the box new) writers.
I've been seeing and hearing enough things that they've festered in my brain, creating this post. Here goes:
So...you've finally decided you're going to write a book. Good for you! Seriously. Do it!

Here are some things to keep in mind though:

1. Writing is a solitary profession. It's lonely. Get some writing friends. People who understand the burning need you have to write. A good way to do that is #2.

2. Join an organization. Something that has a mission statement you agree with and meets your needs as far as the genre you're writing. A place that can guide you to educational opportunities. And get involved. Most groups have online resources where you can find answers to most of your burning questions. Some even have mentoring programs. Most have critique programs. Join them.

3. Do your research. Don't expect someone with more experience to do your homework for you, or expect they'll provide you with the answers you seek. Asking for clarification on something you don't understand is fine, but don't until you've reached that level of interaction with them. Which brings me to my next point:

4. Don't expect. The Internet has made it easier than ever to get in touch with your favorite authors. That's cool. But don't email them expecting anything. Don't ask them to read your manuscript. Don't ask them to put you in touch with their agent. Tell them you enjoy their work and have decided to pursue your own writing career, but don't expect anything but a "good luck".

5. Don't be a pest. So, you went ahead and emailed your favorite author and asked a ton of questions and asked her to read your work in progress and she didn't answer. Do not email her again. She's busy writing the books you love to read. She not only has the obligation to her career, but most likely she has a family to take care of, critique partners to read, her own duties to her chosen writing organization, and maybe a job outside of writing - she's not being mean when she doesn't respond to you, she's busy. Don't take it personally. Yeah, occasionally someone gets lucky, but not often.

6. Present yourself at your professional best at all times. In your blog: Don't post political/religious/rude and insensitive things. (Unless you're going to the Inspirational/Political market) People will look you up. In email: Grammar and punctuation matter. Spell stuff right. Use the caps key and the period key. Do not pepper your email with multiple "lol" and smiley faces. Don't demean yourself. Check yourself before sending nasty emails. Back away from the computer and give yourself time to cool down. Watch your attitude. You'll get nowhere if you bash others, even if they have nothing to do with publishing.

7. Make goals for yourself. Finishing a book is tough. Finishing your first book is even tougher. Keep at it. Keep writing. Make achievable goals, i.e. Writing one page a day, or 50 words a day. When you get published isn't up to you. You can say: "I'd like to have a book out by this time next year." but if you're not writing that book, there's not a chance. You can only control so much - mainly, how much you write and how dedicated you are.

8. Continue learning. If you know you suck at grammar or spelling, then work to get better at it. No, it is not the job of your agent or editor to fix your mistakes. It's not the job of your critique group. Your mistakes are off-putting and will most likely get you a big fat rejection.

9. Exercise. Trust me, keeping your butt in the chair and pounding out those pages will cause your butt to look like the chair if you aren't exercising. It's also easy to eat more than you planned when your mind is occupied creating. Also, a few minutes of fresh air will help your brain. The words will come easier. Ideas will sprout.

10. Find a critique partner. This is kind of scary. It's hard to put your work out there in front of your peers. It's also may take a while to find someone you mesh with. But it's worth it. Once you've established this relationship, listen to the things your critiquer is saying to you. They're your first reader. I'm not saying you have to agree with and change everything they mention. In a good relationship, you'll know. Also, be prepared to give critiques in return. No one wants to be in a one-way critique relationship.

I think that's enough. Welcome to the fabulous world of writing. You'll find most writers are more than willing to help guide you, but keep the above in mind. Asking questions on a forum or even in a private email, or say, at lunch after a meeting is fine, especially if you've been invited to do so. Take your cues though. Don't be so about what you feel you need that you miss out on the opportunity to cultivate an actual friendship.

Did I miss anything?
Behave!!

To Whom It May Concern...

Monday's rant/love letters.

Dear Coffee Manufacturers,
I love you.
Thanks.

Dear Four-way stop minivan,
It is not your turn. You just got there. Did you not study the driving manual? You are going to kill someone.
Stop it.

Dear E-mail spammers,
I do not have a penis. Stop sending me information on how to enlarge it.
I am not interested.

Dear Dinner in the crockpot,
You smell lovely already.
I cannot wait to eat you.

Dear Co-habitators,
It is not my job to pick up your dirty socks or your cereal bowl.
Remember when I threatened to go on strike?
Getting there...

Dear Work in progress,
Stop making me doubt you. Stop being stupid. Stop making me afraid of you.
I will win.

Dear Fly Buzzing My Head,
You will die.

That is all.
Behave!

Happily Ever After

I write romance.
*gasping and covering mouth with hand*
Nah, I've never really gotten that response. Not in person. But I have felt it in awkward situations when someone mentions that I'm an author. The stunned silence, the retreat from conversation, the eventual discussion regarding books and their favorite authors and the implied "why haven't I ever heard of you?", "you must not be very good if you're not widely published". I understand the reaction. I do.
And it changes nothing.
I love a happy ending. And what's wrong with that? What is wrong with sharing the journey to the future with a couple falling in love? Nothing. Most of us are or have been in love at some point in our lives. We remember, or still feel, the butterflies, the yearning for that other person, the hope, and the pain when things don't turn out the way we envisioned. And what about the build up to that first kiss and the sickening beauty of new love?
For me, experiencing those things with my characters reminds me of how it all began for me. While my husband isn't most people's idea of the "perfect hero", he is to me. And that's what matters. The hope matters. It really does.
So while I write post-apocalyptic fiction with corrupt world leaders, brainwashed characters, demons, paranormal abilities, and nuclear wasteland, there will always be the hope of love - of finding someone to complete and compliment your uniqueness, and the possibility of a happy ending (whether implied or stated).
And there is nothing wrong with that.
Behave!

A New Month

Yeah, I'm going to say it...Holy Cow! It's August!!
What the heck?
Why is time going so blazing fast? Am I the only one who thinks this?
Just back from my monthly writing meeting. I love those people! And I really missed the ones who weren't there! There's really nothing else like being in a group of people who "get" you. I know I've said it before, but I'm going to continue to say it. If you're an author without a network, don't stay like that. Join a group, network online, do whatever you can to meet other authors. It's worth it.
What else?
I have finally gathered the required wardrobe items for the sister roadtrip to Georgia. Yay! Thanks to the generosity of Misty and her closet, I will now look presentable for the entire weekend. And without a huge outlay of cash, too. Sweet! That being taken care of helps ease the stress that's been kicking my butt lately. Now I just have to pack everything. I don't know when. Time is a huge issue this coming week. There's stuff every day and evening, and a funeral has just been added to the mix. I'm sure I'll figure it out...because, really, what choice do I have?
Anyway.
I arrived home and found my new business cards in the mail. Sweet. I'm digging them. They're really pretty - dark, but elegant. I'll be taking them along to the multi-author booksigning I'm participating in the weekend after I get back from Georgia. Details on that to follow.
And that's all I've got for you on this first day of August.
Behave!

More Tips...

Some things I noticed yesterday...
1. You look ridiculous. I don't care how funny people think you are, there is no reason for that.
2. A lot of cleavage. Goodness. It's not a bad thing, but amazing all the same.
3. Shoes. There were a lot of great shoes. Some made my feet hurt in sympathy.
4. Sometimes a smile goes a very long way.
5. Meeting new people is sometimes scary, but not usually as scary as you think.
6. People won't take you seriously if you dress like a hooker - unless it's a costume party.
7. When you see a big name author, don't mob her. She's a person just like you and while she appreciates you, she also needs some privacy.
8. Same goes for editors and agents.
9. Being organized is far more than just talk.
10. When things don't go your way it does not give you the right to bash people.
So, there you have it.
Feel Good Friday coming up next.
Behave!

Tips

Handy, dandy helpful hints...
1. Don't blow your car horn at 2 a.m. when you're parked in front of the neighbor's house. Really. Don't blow your car horn like that at anytime.
2. The only way to watch a scary movie is with all lights out.
3. Check the oil in your car.
4. Eating junk for dinner usually results in a stomachache, weird dreams, or both.
5. You should probably really try to find out why the dryer spits out your clean clothes smelling like burnt rubber.
6. The cat litter will not change itself. Seriously. It won't.
7. Spoiled milk is never good to drink.
8. Never eat stuff made with mayonnaise that's been left out on a hot day.
9. Humor can be found in most situations.
10. Pressing your car alarm button in the middle of the night is rude and you should not do it.
Helpful?
Probably not.
Behave!