I've been having a lot of trouble focusing lately.
A lot of trouble.
My writing friends know this and I'm sure they're sick to death of me whining about it. But, they also understand. Though they're willing to get the boots out and kick me in the butt to get me moving. And they do.
But the things is no one can make me stay on the page. No one can make me unlock my brain and get the words out. I have to do that. Somehow.
It's not that I'm not making progress. I am. But it's little compared to what I should be putting out, where I should be with the projects I'm working on. And knowing that doesn't help. It spins the tumblers on those locks and makes it even more difficult to get in. It's not writer's block. Not at all. Some of it has to do with editing because that tends to make your eyes bleed and often has you questioning if you can even put together a coherent sentence. Sometimes I stare at the page and every single word looks the same.
Still...I don't despise editing. Editing means the project is one step closer to being done, no matter how many more passes it needs before it's shipped off to the critique partners.
So what do I do?
Well, for one, I started something new. A brain cleaner, if you will. It's completely different than the story I'm editing. And it's in first person - something I never write and I'm not sure I even like my first person voice. But, it's done the job. I am feeling more focused and more in control.
And that's what I needed.
It all boils down to this: At the end of the day, the only person I have to answer to is myself. If I have a sucky word count or none at all, I'm only sabotaging myself. Maybe I needed to fully realize that to break through the lack of focus, despite how many times I gave that exact thing lip service.
So there you have it.
Do it. Or don't. The only one you're disappointing is yourself.