Monday, November 01, 2010
The Gnome Wars
I was at a friend's house recently, and as I went to my car, I had that feeling you get when you know you're being watched. Yeah, she has neighbors, but this was...different...menacing if you will.
I walked very slowly until I found the source of my heebie jeebies and found this guy in a tree watching me. Look at the smug expression on his face, and yeah, there's a bit of surprise. I don't think he expected me to find him.
My gnomes have stepped up their game to drive me insane. I felt like I'd achieved a small victory when I caught this little bugger watching me, but when I returned home, chaos was in place. The gnome that lords over my dining room had knocked half of the stuff off of the shelf he inhabits, breaking a sea shell. He also did something to my hutch so that when I opened the door I had to move quickly to avoid the breakage of my casserole dish.
To say negotiations have stalled would be an understatement. We ignore each other now. I prefer to forget they are around and I believe they feel the same. The outside gnomes refused my offer to bring them in for the winter and are crowded together around the bowl I occasionally fill with whiskey to appease them. Their demands have become ridiculous and dangerous. I'm supposed to pay for a trip to Vegas? I don't care if that gnome on television gets to go to cool places! I'm supposed to finance skydiving lessons? Not going to happen. Regular whiskey is no longer good enough. Now they're asking for Crown Royal and not just a splash or two.
I must be ever alert these days. If they're networking and watching me when I'm out and about, then I will have to be very careful. I would not be surprised if they are planning something violent.
I am ever alert.
That is all.
(Bonus points if you can figure out who's gnome this is.)