Answer!

Ready?
1. My sister-in-law called me yesterday to tell me she had a dead cat in her trunk and a dog crate filled with cat poop in her backseat. Actually, this is the truth. It's a long story, so I'll sum up...they live in the middle of the woods on like a bazillion acres (they even have a pond with fish!). Farm cat shows up and hangs out for a while. They get it immunized, fixed, and feed it. Farm cat stops coming around. They believe he's met his demise because he hasn't come home for like a year. Neighbor calls, farm cat is on his property acting weird. She goes to get it, using a regular cat carrier. Farm cat, having returned to the wild, is having nothing to do with that. Gets dog crate (which means leaving carpet chewing dog around the carpet she loves to chew), entices weird-acting farm cat into dog crate. Farm cat promptly poops all over dog crate. Takes farm cat to vet and discovers they can't test it for rabies, but have to euthanize it, costing her some nice bucks. Cat is now dead and in the trunk. Crate is still gross and in her back seat. She then has to travel several, several miles to the big city to her state's veterinary clinic to have farm cat's corpse tested for rabies. Seriously. I don't think I could make that up. Yes. This is my family. We all fit together quite nicely. Thankyouverymuch.
2. The dog opened the fridge (I think it was left open a crack. Pray it was, otherwise I'm in big trouble) and proceeded to help herself to leftover chicken noodle soup, a package of hamburger, and two blocks of cheese. Her food dish was full of her favorite food. Nah. But it's not so far out of the realm of possibility that I don't make sure the fridge door is shut every time I leave the dog home alone.
3. I have started Christmas shopping. Thanks to the Internet, I am completely finished with the kids and now only need a few family and exchange gifts to call it done. Easy peasey! Maybe I won't be a scrooge this year after all! Whoot! Ha ha ha! Definitely a fantasy!!

I guess that just proves that the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. Ha!
Behave!