Dear E-mail Spammers,
Stop it already. Having my inbox constantly flooded is getting old. I do not need a bigger penis. I do not need cheap prescriptions. I also don't need a job. Or coupons.
Dear Stink Bugs,
Are you really still here? Why? It's too cold. I wish you would go away and never come back. You smell bad and you creep around and I don't like you.
I do love you, but how about you start Friday afternoon and snow through Saturday? That would be sweet. Thank you.
Hurry up and come back. I miss you. I feel bereft without you.
Dear Sleep Cycle,
Why do you have to be so messed up? Why am I wide awake at 2 am and 3am and 4am, but then so asleep I don't hear my alarms (yes, alarms) at 6? Why do I fall right asleep one night and then glare at the clock the next?
Me being gone all day doesn't mean I don't love you. K2 being back at school doesn't mean the world has ended. Everything is fine. You can stop whining and pacing and chewing your paw now. You can stop doing things you know you're not supposed to. And you really should stay off the couch when we're not home. You're a good dog, but if you don't settle soon I'm going to have to get you some doggie Valium.