Dear...

Dear Facebook -
When I tell you I don't want to see a post because maybe it's a video where the static screen makes me want to vomit, or maybe I've seen a picture over a hundred times already, whey the heck do you keep bringing it back? Now it's slightly grayed out, but I still don't want to see it. Is it because I didn't take your stupid survey? Last time I took your survey, you totally screwed up my news feed. If someone is my friend, I want to see their posts. Period.

Dear Cold -
Stop already! I have a new puppy who has to go out frequently. Neither of us like you right now. Also, my truck does not like you and shows its unhappiness by refusing to create heat. That's not cool. I'm not blaming the truck, Cold, I'm blaming you!

Dear Elsa -
You're beautiful and I love you, but the puppy biting needs to stop. Also, the puddle of pee I stepped in this morning does not make me thrilled. I understand you are a baby and I'm not mad, just wet. Tomorrow is two weeks since you came home. It seems like longer. You've gained almost 5 lbs and change every day. You can't stand to be away from any of us and cry when we walk out of the room. Currently, you are sleeping behind me on a dining room chair. What's going to happen when you're at your full weight?

Dear Deer -
STOP running into That Man's vehicles! Seriously! His car isn't even two weeks old and you had to dent the fender, crack the grill, and break the mirror? You are jerks! You do this to him all of the time! Does he have a target on him or something? Leave him alone!

Dear Dryer -
Really? Why are you making that noise? I can't replace you right now and I'm afraid to use you!

Dear Mother Nature -
If you're bringing snow, you'd better bring it good! We've dealt with your cold for too long. You owe us an awesome snowstorm!

Dear Luck -
I think it's time for a change. Don't you?

Behave!